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Twins move on from Bauer, seek Baurer or Baurest to remain competitive

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a new market inefficiency!

Wild Card Round - Cincinnati Reds v Atlanta Braves - Game One Photo by Todd Kirkland/Getty Images

Years ago, the Twins had Joe Mauer, and the Royals countered with Brandon Maurer. Taking the Maur-based superlatives to a natural extreme, the Twins embarked on a failed experiment with Jeffery Maurest, in an attempt to cement themself as the most Mauer-y team in baseball.

While that experiment didn’t work, the Twins apparently did not learn their lesson, as leaked memo from the desk of Derek Falvey is apparently instructing scouts to seek out players named “Baurer” and “Baurest.”

As recent information from Ken Rosenthal has made clear to fans, the Twins are not in the mix for Trevor Bauer, this season’s top free agent pitcher. The fact they are seeking an alternative should come as no surprise, although their strategy can certainly be described as unconventional. The full memo is reproduced below”

Attn: All Scouts
Please note that the organization has placed a high priority this off season on certain improvements. We no longer believe we can come to an agreement with free agent pitcher Trevor Bauer, and therefore would like you direct your energies towards our next synchronicity. As a market-leader in evolution, we need to stay a step ahead of the competition, and therefore make sure we have other plans to ensure we can become the most “Bauer-y” organization in professional baseball. Therefore, please focus on finding players with the surnames Bauerer, Bauerest, or derivatives thereof. Your prompt attention to this matter is appreciated.

One player that the Twins are reportedly interested in acquiring is Jake Bauers, who plays left field and first base, and has a couple years experience for the Cleveland (2019) and the Rays (2018.) According to Falvey:

I mean, sure, we’d have to find room for him somehow, and he might not be more Bauer than Bauer, but at least he’s more than one. The more Bauer, the better, right guys? Right?

The team has also discussed the idea of coming out of retirement with former Cleveland pitcher Rick Bauer, who last played in the majors in 2008.

Reports suggest the team is also open to signing a player who would be willing to change his name, and has also internally mentioned that might be Nick Gordon’s fastest path the major leagues.

The Twins have also announced a rare open tryout, exclusively for people named Bauer, Baurer, Bauerest, and similar; which is scheduled for February 29th, 2021 at 7 am, at Hammond Stadium.