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The twelve days of Twins-mas

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A beloved carol

PNE Winter Lights Photo by Andrew Chin/Getty Images

On the first day of Twins-mas Kyle Gibson gave to me, a home run into the pine trees.

On the second day of Twins-mas Astudillo gave to me, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the third day of Twins-mas Joe Mauer gave to me three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the fourth day of Twins-mas Dick Bremer gave to me four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the fifth day of Twins-mas Jim and Tony gave to me five Hall-of-Fame rings, four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the sixth day of Twins-mas Baldelli gave to me six hipster neckbeards, Hall-of-Fame rings, four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the seventh day of Twins-mas JD gave to me seven crappy haircuts, six hipster neckbeards, Hall-of-Fame rings, four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the eighth day of Twins-mas Nick Punto gave to me eight headfirst slides, seven crappy haircuts, six hipster neckbeards, Hall-of-Fame rings, four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the ninth day of Twins-mas Nelson gave to me nine Bomba bathrobes, eight headfirst slides, seven crappy haircuts, six hipster neckbeards, Hall-of-Fame rings, four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the tenth day of Twins-mas a new contract gave to me ten Buxtons leaping, nine Bomba bathrobes, eight headfirst slides, seven crappy haircuts, six hipster neckbeards, Hall-of-Fame rings, four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the eleventh day of Twins-mas the Falvine gave to me eleven Keplers Keppling, ten Buxtons leaping, nine Bomba bathrobes, eight headfirst slides, seven crappy haircuts, six hipster neckbeards, Hall-of-Fame rings, four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.

On the twelfth day of Twins-mas Wes Johnson gave to me twelve waiver claim relievers, eleven Keplers Keppling, ten Buxtons leaping, nine Bomba bathrobes, eight headfirst slides, seven crappy haircuts, six hipster neckbeards, Hall-of-Fame rings, four left hand toasts, three called strikes, two turtle punches, and a home run into the pine trees.