The acquisition of Kyle Garlick the other day just seemed odd. If there is one thing that the Twins have in spades, its bat-first corner outfielders. Garlick fits this mold, so adding him is a bit redundant, and has been speculated to be just a bit of an insurance policy. Thanks to the tireless work of our Twinkie Town investigative journalism team, we have found the truth of the matter.
The Twins signing Kyle Garlick is actually the result of a totally understandable mix-up, but the team plans to honor their commitment. Apparently, Thad Levine is planning to make “darn good stew” for dinner Saturday, and asked Siri to add garlic to his shopping list. According to Levine:
I’m talking homemade, from scratch stew. I start with a base of carrots, celery, and garlic. It’s like an all day thing. I end up with this big ol’ pot of it, I usually bring leftovers for lunch all week and everything. Well, I was making my grocery list the other day, right, and I was all like “Siri, put garlic on my shopping list.” I totally forgot I had my free agent shopping list synced up on there. So anyway, one of the interns, we told him to reach out to the agents of the players on our list, see where we were at, and next thing you know, we’re in serious contract talks with this frickin Kyle Garlick guy? Like where did that come from? I just assumed Derek [Falvey] put him on the list, and Derek assumed I did.
The Twins have reportedly put in safeguards to prevent this from happening again, by renaming the “shopping list” to the “Nelson Cruz memorial most desirable and totally awesome free agent list.” When we told Levine that Nelson Cruz isn’t dead, and that’s not how the word “Memorial” works, he replied “He’s over 40. Might as well be dead. lulz.”
Derek Falvey told us he’s just thankful that there are no baseball players named Carrot, and that Brent Celek’s agent was understanding once he explained the Twins didn’t really have much use for a retired tight end.
As for the rest of that stew recipe, Levine says its a closely guarded family secret, passed down from his grandmother.