Twins, Twiggy the Water-Skiing Squirrel ink one-year deal

In an early-season move that confused reporters and fans alike, the Minnesota Twins have already shuffled around the active roster after one day of action. What makes it more shocking is who the club signed overnight: Twiggy the Water-Skiing Squirrel.

The move comes after a walk-off Opening Day loss to the Milwaukee Brewers where Minnesota held a 5-2 lead in the bottom of the ninth before everything fell apart. The Twins committed two (possibly three) errors on the day and left fans wondering if Alex Colome was a traitor of the Twins. The front office seems to believe that signing Twiggy will help turn the tides with its water-skiing acts to get the team back on track.

“After the loss yesterday, we decided we needed some inspiration and direction for the club,” said Twins General Manager Thad Levine. “It was certainly a tough way to lose the game yesterday and we just needed to cheer up the guys a bit. Twiggy will get the job done as a team player.”

President of Baseball Operations Derek Falvey quipped: “Who the hell doesn’t like a squirrel water-skiing around in a pond?”

Signing Twiggy is an interesting choice given the fact that a squirrel made a couple of appearances during the beginning of the “Bomba Squad” back in 2019. It was magnified by the “Rally Squirrel” from now-former Twins outfielder Eddie Rosario. Asked if that played a part in the signing, skipper Rocco Baldelli said, “What are you talking about? We signed a squirrel?”

Twins President Dave St Peter commented further, “I think it’ll be a great addition to the club. Just wait until you get to Target Field, folks. The grass up above the center field wall is now a pond for it to do its thing. Fans will love it!”

Details about the deal are still a little bit fuzzy. There’s currently no corresponding roster move as of yet and, although Twiggy’s representative said that there are a lot of nuts to be hidden after it’s made official, the amount has not yet been announced.