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Buy yourself a piece of Minnesota Twins(-ish) history

Anyone have half a million bucks to spare?

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For sale by owner sign outside a house on Flamingo Drive. Photo by: Jeffrey Greenberg/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

Hello there, readers!

As I mentioned a few days ago, I am currently giving zero effs about the 2021 Twins. I felt like the universe was shaming me the next day when Sano hit a monster 3 run shot and they came from behind and didn’t blow the lead to win the game. I was like “ok universe, I’m so sorry, I won’t doubt them again.” And then the next day universe laughed and laughed and said to me “you dumbass, you fall for it EVERY. TIME.”

So this week, I am not writing about the 2021 dumpster fire that is the Minnesota Twins Baseball Club. This week? No talk about how awful they are or how the entire squad is basically held together with bandaids and duct tape and ice right now. This week, I will take some deep breaths and remember the good old days of happy Twins memories.

Let me start off by saying that I am a person with some very specific interests and traits. So when friends and family see specific memes, stories, headlines, products or other such items, I get tagged or sent these things multiple times. In no particular order, they are:

  • The Minnesota Twins/Baseball in general
  • The Golden Girls
  • Prince
  • Vincent Van Gogh/Art in general
  • Star Wars
  • Harry Potter
  • Crochet projects
  • Graphic design and font choices
  • Swearing

For instance, I’ve been tagged/sent an article on crocheting a couch for cats many times. (Which, by the way, I did start making). When the Bernie Sanders in mittens doll crochet pattern came out? I got it sent to me by no less than ten different people. Golden Girls action figures? At least 12 people sent me the link to buy those. Harry Potter live action series coming? Yes, I heard from a couple of friends. Mandalorian/Baby Yoda Grogu videos mashed up with different music? Three friends sent me that one. Graphic design fails? Can’t get enough of those. Bob Ross memes about anything? Check. Articles about how people who swear a lot are actually geniuses and not just ill-mannered jerks? I received that multiple f*cking times. Prince memes? I may have been sent this no less than 6 times before I posted it myself:

Mind you, I’m not complaining. It makes my day to get these things. When I get things like this sent to me, it means that those that know me love me enough to take a minute of their day to say ‘hey, I thought of you (and your obsession with ____) today’. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy rather than how I should maybe expand my horizons or not be so vocal about my obsessive ways.

Anyway, I woke up this morning having been tagged in a Facebook post about Kirby Puckett’s former home being put on the market.

And shortly thereafter another friend sent me this text:

If the house came with a corpse? No thank you.

Obviously, Kirby hasn’t lived there in quite some time, seeing as he passed away 15 years ago (I’m still in mourning, btw), and he moved out after his playing days were over. But he was the one who had the house built in 1986, and lived there during both World Series wins. I’m not currently house-hunting, but duh, of course I’m going to creep-a-leep on the Zillow posting. If you don’t want to click over, I’ll give you the basics.

The house last sold in 1997 (so it’s not being sold by the Puckett family), but it’s currently listed at $485,000. It boasts 3,500 square feet, with five bedrooms, three bathrooms, two living rooms, a sun room, and a wet bar. The front and backyards are beautiful, complete with a gazebo and some wildlife and shoreline along some sort of large pond or small lake.

The inside is pretty nice, but you can definitely tell it was built in the late 1980’s.

You guys, Kirby probably peed in this toilet.

Sure it could use a bit of updating, but it does display some Kirby memorabilia that will come with the house if you buy it:

All this Kirby-ness can be yours for $485,000

Fun fact, I have quite a few of the same Kirby and World Series related items in my home - though not signed by the great 34 himself. But since I already have those items (albeit not autographed or previously owned by Kirby), I suppose buying a house to get it would seem unreasonable to my husband. Or to my therapist. Or to any sane human being in general.

The listing goes live in a few days, and knowing how bananas the Twin Cities real estate market is right now, it will probably sell in less than a day. But if you have half a mil sitting in the bank, and you want a new house with lots of square footage to clean and Kirby related knick knacks to dust off, and if you have plenty of cash to spare for some updates, well then you might want to quick make an offer... Or at least set up a showing so you can legally enter the house and use Kirby’s old toilet without being arrested.