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Kyle Garlick orders a pizza

Or at least he tries to.

Pizza vending machine divides culinary opinion in Rome Photo by Johannes Neudecker/picture alliance via Getty Images

Midday on Monday, our top-secret technology was able to capture a phone conversation, and we are now able to bring you the transcribed results.

Hello? This is Papa John’s, right? I need to order a large pizza.

My name? Garlick

Wait, no, I don’t want garlic on my pizza

I told you my name, its Garlick

What do you mean you’re confused?

No, I don’t want garlic on the pizza, I want pepperoni and olives.

What do you mean you still need my name?

I told you, its Garlick.

Ugh, no, please don’t put garlic on my pizza.

My name is Garlick. Gar-lick. Garlick.

No, not garlic. My name is Garlick. I don’t want garlic.

You’re still confused? C’mon man.

The name is Garlick. G-A-R-L-I-C-K

Yeah. Garlick. No garlic.

You got that now. Pepperoni and olives. For Garlick. No Garlic.

Look, do you follow the Twins? Garlick. The outfielder? Hit a home run last night?

What do you mean you only watch the Timberwolves? Do you really hate life that much?



Okay, look, thanks for your time, but forget it. I’m just gonna order online.