So Josh Donaldson is gonna hit a solo dingalingadongerdoo in the top of the first to give the Twins an early lead. Hey, that’s nice. I sure hope some longstanding Twins Killer isn’t in the lineup and undoes that run really soon!
Hey Maybe There is Some Hope Count: 01
Aaand Salvador Pérez is gonna take J.A Happ deep on the first pitch he sees. Golly gee, whomever could have seen such a thing coming??
Wait, Nevermind! Count: 01
Happ would also not have a (J.A) happy time in the 3rd, where 3 straight singles would load the bases for Pérez. Much to the actual surprise of all of us, Sal simply struck out. Andrew Benintendi came up with the bases still juiced and Happ hit him to bring in a run. Cool. At least we know Happ wasn’t benintending to hit him, or a fight might have broken out. Though, at least in a bench-clearing brawl you can’t lose the lead due to some circus baseball nonsense. Maybe the Twins should try ONLY be brawling?
Okay so the Twins may be losing, but flash forward to the 4th and Nick Gordon is gonna tie the game right back up with a single and his first MLB RBI.
Hey Maybe There is Some Hope Count: 02
That’s all the Twins would get in their half of the 4th, let’s see what the Roy- oh yep, that’s Hunter Dozier hitting a gosh-darned dongabonger on the very first pitch he sees like he’s the freakin’ chosen one. No one likes when the hero of the story doesn’t face any obstacles, Hunter. Have a character arc, gosh!
Wait, Nevermind! Count: 02
After a strikeout of Michael A. Taylor, Happ would give up 3 straight singles again, ultimately allowing an RBI on the last, off the bat of bad-cowboy in an old western movie Whit Merrifield.
HOWEVER, since this recap is going to be like 4000 words, the game was far from over. In the top of the 5th, back to back doubles by Donaldson and Jorge Polanco brought the Twins back within 1. Nelson Cruz then reached on an error using his Cruz Speed, moving Polanco to 3rd which eventually allowed him to score on a Miguel Sano sac fly.
Tied Game. Again.
Hey Maybe There is Some Hope Count: 03
Salvador Pérez homers on the first pitch again lol, Royals lead.
Wait, Nevermind! Count: 03
But wait! There’s more! In the 7th Josh Donaldson is bringing even more rain with his first 2 donger game as a Twin! Act now and you can be disappointed again later!
Hey Maybe There is Some Hope Count: 04
Carlos Santana leads off the Royal’s 7th with a walk. Hopefully it won’t haunt. (Spoilers: It will haunt.) After Pérez popped out, it was time for some circus baseball. I honestly barely understood what, why, or how, any of the following happened, but from memory here is my best shot at it.
Benintendi lifts a fly ball to center-left, Gilberto Celestino and Trevor Larnach both want to catch it. Neither of them catch it. Oopsie! Celestino gets the ball and throws it to kinda-almost-first base. For reasons. Oopsie! Pinch Runner Jarrod Dyson just choo-chooed around the bases and scored! That’s gonna be a 2 Oopsie Doopsie Error play for Celestino.
Wait, Nevermind! Count: 04
What The Actual Shit Was That Nonsense?! Count: 01
However, HOPE NEVER DIES! Certainly the Twins will get the run back in the 8th or 9th, right? Nope, nevermind. Hope died.
Wait, Nevermind! Count: 05
Twins Lose Stupidly Count: ???!!!! A lot!
Studs: Josh Don
Duds: Happ, Celestino’s Oopsie Tour