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Tigers 7, Twins 0: You’re getting old

Father Time comes for us all

Detroit Tigers v Minnesota Twins Photo by David Berding/Getty Images

“You know you’re getting old.”

That’s what they told him, at least. He couldn’t run like he used to, that was for sure. Still, there were professional athletes older than him, so he couldn’t be that old. Hell, the guy starting for the Twins today is older he is.

Still, his back popped funny when he got out of bed. They’d even spent real, “Adult” money on that bed. Its not like ten years ago, when he slept on one he found by the dumpster of his apartment complex—and didn’t wake up feeling nearly so badly. Oh, and the doctor’s appointments, they had doctors for every part of his body now. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. How the heck was JA Happ still performing so well as an athlete, at his age? Or Nelson Cruz? Or hell, even Josh Donaldson. Doesn’t Father Time want to come for those guys, too?

Well today, Father Time came, he thought. He watched Happ struggle through seven innings and all he could think was the amount of ice packs that left arm would need, as Happ allowed 11 hits and seven runs. Seven Runs! Even he could go pitch like that, maybe there is hope left.

Even more hope, Josh Donaldson looked pretty good today! He took two walks, and had a hit. That’s not bad for a guy that is “over the hill.” On the other side though, Nelson Cruz failed miserably, and went 0-3. Far from the only one though, in that regard, even the young bucks couldn’t get on base. The four-through-nine batters in the Twins lineup combined for a single hit from Alex Kirilloff.

He never bothered with finding that out though, he turned off the TV in fifth inning. After all, he’d seen better Twins teams. Heck, he could almost remember a Twins team that won the World Series. Maybe someday, in his lifetime, they would again. Maybe.


Luis Arraez
Josh Donaldson
Trevor Larnach


Literally everyone that played today


TJ leaving the typo in above and trying to be funny
The rest of the Twins’ offense.

Roll Call: