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Angels 3, Twins 2: What is even happening?!

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The Twins lose a weird game in a post-Nelson world.

MLB: Los Angeles Angels at Minnesota Twins Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

About an hour before the game, the news of the Nelson Cruz trade broke and he was scratched from the lineup. That would not be the last awkward thing to happen to the Twins.

Kenta Maeda started against the Los Angeles Shohei Ohtanis of Annaheim California, and faced only 3 batters in the first two innings, including a strikeout of Pitcher/Slugger/Mascot Shohei Ohtani. The Twins, however, managed to lead off the 2nd with a single off the bat of Trevor Larnach. After Nelson Cruz replacement Willians Astudillo flew out, Gilberto Celestino doubled Larnach in. Kind of.

Larnach dove head first into home, colliding awkwardly with Angels’ catcher Max Stassi, after which they both just sort of awkwardly laid on the ground for a beat while Andrelton Simmons watched on from the on-deck circle with his head tilted to the side like a confused puppy and the homeplate ump silently contemplated what it truly means to be safe or out. We’re all out in the end, man.

Suddenly the ump started pointing down at the plate and then waved his arms out to the side to signal safe. But not REALLY safe, just temporarily safe. Temporary like the constructs of man. Apparently Larnach needed to touch home plate, but neither he nor Stassi seemed to realize, so Simmons took matters into his own hands and fuckin’ DRAGGED LARNACH BY THE JERSEY INTO HOMEPLATE like he was a wounded soldier in an action movie. Stassi reacted, and Larnach ultimately was called out. Everyone then acted hurt for a bit, but everyone stayed in the game.

Yes it really was that confusing.

In the 4th, Miguel Sano led off with a ground rule double while literally wearing the pants of Nelson Cruz. Wait what’s that? A floundering bird is on the field. We are now entering THE BIRD ZONE.

After an untelevised #BirdDelay, Sano went ahead and stole 3rd. As he does. Still psyched out by the bird, the Angels then allowed Larnach to walk and Astudillo to double Sano in. Then Celestino got the RBI he did or alternately did not already deserve with an RBI groundout. That was it for the scoring and the next half inning started. Your sacrifice shall not be forgotten, floundering bird.

Hey let’s not immediately give up a 3 run home run to some rando hitting like .200 with one HR a few pitches after he fails to bunt.

Whoops, Maeda just gave up a 3 run home run to Jack Mayfield.

Oh well, might as well strike out some dude named Ohtani again right after. Floundering bird did not die 4 this. :(

The universe stopped being wild and crazy after that, and the game became boring as the Twins did nothing to nobody, eventually losing.

Cool.

Studs: Floundering Bird

Duds: The hubris of man

ROBOT ROLL CALL!!!!!!

I apologize for talking too much, but in my defense Joel won’t bully himself.