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Even when they win, the Twins find ways to disappoint me

Why I’d rather they’d lose this weekend

Minnesota Twins v Toronto Blue Jays Photo by Cole Burston/Getty Images

Hi there friends!

Did you just read that title right? You might be thinking to yourself “Ugh, that Marea. She’s like the worst and/or craziest writer on the Twinkie Town staff and she’s lost her damn mind. Again.”

Maybe so.

But allow me to explain, ok?

We all know 2021 is the dumpsteriest dumpster fire of a season that we could have possibly imagined. (Well, ok, the Orioles probably win that award, but for the sake of my post, it was the dumpsteriest season Twins Territory could have imagined. And with that, comes zero chance that the Twins will be playing in the post season. In fact, the Twins are one of four teams completely eliminated from the post season thus far. So we’ve now come to the point in the season cheering for other teams to either win or lose.

In my house, there are only three teams we ever actively root against: The Yankees, the White Sox, and whatever team is currently playing the Twins. (Well, four teams if you count the Packers, but this is about baseball so they don’t count at the moment.) However, this weekend, the Twins are playing Toronto - and at our house, we are rooting for those Blue Birds to win.

So here’s the thing. The Twins, being out of it, are just playing to finish out the season. But there’s a post season. And you know who I DON’T want to see in there? The God. Damned. Yankees. Going into last night’s games, the Yankees were a half a game behind the Jays in the Wild Card standings. And when the Twins beat the Blue Jays last night, and when the Yankees won, the Yankees then plopped into the #2 Wild Card spot.

The scorching hot Toronto team probably thought they’d lock post season knowing they get to face the Twins for SEVEN games to end the season, and their last three games are against the godawful Orioles. The Yankees get to play the-almost-as-terrible-as-Minnesota Clevelandians this weekend, and then the-even-worse-than-the-Twins Texas Rangers, but then they finish off their season against the Red Sox, Rays, and Jays, all vying for post season. The Blue Jays, who besides the Twins and Yankees also have to play the top seated Rays, could easily run away with that Wild Card race with ten of their last sixteen games being against the worst teams in baseball.

But no. The Twins did last night what they’ve been doing over the last few months, which is dominating the far-better-record-wise-than-they-are teams. They played like the team we wanted them to be all season. And for the second time, the Twins screwing up our (well.. my) post season dreams again. If they keep beating Toronto, the Yankees are likely in. The Twins have been surprisingly good against the best teams and continue to suck against shitty AL central - where it actually counts. Wtf.

And I can’t believe I’m actually rooting against my favorite boys, but I really am hoping that Jose Berrios absolutely crushes his former team on Sunday. I am hoping that baby Vlad makes his case for MVP over Ohtani by making the Twins look like little leaguers. I am hoping that George Springer is just as good without a trash can telling him what pitch is coming as he was in Houston. MY GOD. WHAT. HAVE. I. BECOME.?

But if my boys can’t be in the post season, can I at least have someone to root for? Is that too much to ask? Why must the Yankees and Red Sox always have to be in, even if another team wins the AL East? Can’t I get a glimmer of hope for the smaller market teams to band together and give the the MLB fans that aren’t in New York or Los Angeles a reason to watch the World Series?

I realize that my 10 and 11 year old kids could literally give zero effs about the 87 or 91 World Series teams. It was so long ago that it might as well have happened during the Civil War for all they care. They have no idea what it is to be excited to watch the Twins in October and expect them to actually win a game. They have not been alive to see the Twins win in October. Ever. And if it’s going to continually be the <Yankees><Red Sox><Dodgers><insert any large market team> winning the final games of the season? They might never know how exciting it is to watch David beat Goliath once in a while.

So yes. Go Blue Jays! Go Rays! Go A’s! Go Brewers! Go Padres! Go Reds! I’m rooting for you all these days. Even if you’re playing against my beloved Twins.

Join me on the Toronto bandwagon this weekend, won’t you?