Previously on Twinkietown:
- The Twins effectively swapped Gio Urshela for Kyle Farmer in a series of trades, and while seeing Gio go is sad, Ben explained to us how these deals will help the Twins out on the edges.
- Brandon did his thing and rounded up our rivals news, including the Royals looking to move out of Kauffman stadium to something that will probably be called like Cool Monkey NFT Money Laundering Field or some shit.
- The Twins unveiled their new rebranded uniforms, including the inexplicable Miami Marlins cosplay alternate uniforms. I hope they also steal the idea for the Marlin’s old animatronic homerun statue too.
Elsewhere in Twins Territory:
- Per the STrib, Byron Buxton has been cleared to start running again after surgery in September. Gonna start a gofundme to build him a titanium exoskeleton this time, see if that works.
- This happened. People aren’t happy.
Around the World in Bases and Balls:
- The Marlins promoted Caroline O’Connor to president of business operations, and hopefully her first business move is to bring back the weird whirligig home run statue.
- No, I don’t know why this MMM is apparently Marlins themed.
- Billy Beane moved to an advisory roll with Oakland after his longtime tenure as smart decisions guy. Beane, of course, is best known for running the last team to somehow manage to lose a playoff series to the Minnesota Twins. They even made a movie about it.
- CLICK HERE FOR MASSIVE DONGS
Today’s soundtrack is SNAKE MAN