The Twins have finally, finally acquired a new Joe. Outfielder Joey Gallo will be joining the club for the 2023 campaign. Although this may well mean an incumbent outfielder is traded, WE FINALLY HAVE ANOTHER JOE! The Twins even, as is tradition, gave him enough money to outrage various corners of the internet. In celebration, lets look back at some notable Joes in Twins history.
Mediocre reliever. Doesn’t count. Plus he has the most blandly forgettable name ever. Its like a sims character you couldn’t bother to actually give a good name. Crummy Joe.
Remember when we thought he was going to be the outfielder-of-the-future? That whole group of prospects sure worked out well. His 21 games with the Twins in 2011 are still the only major league innings he managed to log, despite toiling in the minors until 2019. Not-great Joe.
He spent 18 years with the Senators, and racked up a line of .299/.379/.423 during that time. Badass name. As an old-timey ballplayer he probably did delightful, outrageous things. Much less overhyped than other baseballers that share his last name. Very good Joe.
Another old-timey Senator Joe. He also spent two decades in the big leagues, and probably also did outrageous things. Another very good Joe.
A career White Sock that played out his last season with the Twins, and hit a perfectly forgettable .225/.289/.414 in 90 games. Boring Joe.
The best Twins pitcher in most people that will read this article’s lifetime. Johan is equivilant to “Joe” in various Germanic languages. We can call him Joe-han if it makes you feel better. Honorary Joe.
Behind Scott Baker and Nick Blackburn, he is probably the epitome of mid-00s Twins pitching. Good enough to hang around a few years, but not good enough to have a long career elsewhere. His middle name is Emerson. Acceptable Joe.
He won a World Series with the Twins! He’s one of three Joes that can say that! Joe Judge and Joe Martina both played for the 1924 Senators. And he did it at 42 years old. That’s like two whole Rick Porcellos. He pitched for 22 MLB seasons, the most of any Joe on the list, and he’s still the less-remembered Niekro brother. Decent Joe.
He was born during the civil war! In Janesville, WI! His nickname is Pongo Joe. He also managed the Senators for three years, leading them to a .347 record, including a 42-110 campaign. First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League! Fun-but-lousy-at-baseball-managing Joe.
Most interesting Joe in Twins history?
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You forgot someone, Dumbass. AYEATF?