What if the Twins formed a roster only with alliterative-name players?

The two best players on the current Twins roster, undoubtedly, are Byron Buxton and Carlos Correa. These two guys have a lot of things in common, one of which is their alliterative names. That got me to wondering, if our two best players have alliterative names, how good could a Twins team with all alliterative names be?

The Twins have already had a number of players with alliterative names in their history. Gary Gaetti, Greg Gagne, Carmelo Castillo, Jacque Jones, Rick Reed, and Shannon Stewart are a handful of former alliterative Twins. However, this post will be focused on how good a Twins team could be if Falvey and Levine assembled a squad of all alliterative names for the 2022 season (so, active players only). Consider this a spiritual successor to the famous Team of Ed’s.

Pitchers

Starters (Stats from 2021 unless noted otherwise)

I’m using the stats from each starter’s last season with 60+ innings pitched, because I make the rules. Our rotation includes the 2021 AL Cy Young, two guys with Cy Young upside, and two guys who would be the #2 starter if they were on the actual Twins right now. Not bad at all.

1. LHP Robbie Ray: 193.1 IP, 2.84 ERA, 248 K’s (Cy Young)
2. RHP Lance Lynn: 151.0 IP, 2.69 ERA, 176 K’s
3. RHP Stephen Strasburg: 209.0 IP, 3.32 ERA, 251 K’s (2019)
4. LHP Danny Duffy: 61.0 IP, 2.51 ERA, 65 K’s
5. RHP Carlos Carrasco: 68.0 IP, 2.91 ERA, 82 K’s (2020)

Bullpen (All Stats from 2021)

The bullpen turned out pretty well, with six very solid relievers, one mediocre reliever, and two struggling starters. It’s a little righty-heavy, but we’d get by with two lefties in the pen. In true Twins fashion, we’re banking on two starters who had crappy seasons to handle the long relief.

RHP Giovanny Gallegos: 80.1 IP, 3.02 ERA, 95 K’s

RHP Mark Melancon: 64.2 IP, 2.23 ERA, 59 K’s

RHP Richard Rodriguez: 64.1 IP, 2.94 ERA, 42 K’s

RHP Brad Boxberger: 64.2 IP, 3.34 ERA, 83 K’s

LHP Lucas Luetge: 72.1 IP, 2.74 ERA, 78 K’s

RHP Austin Adams: 52.2 IP, 4.10 ERA, 76 K’s

LHP Mike Minor: 158.2 IP, 5.05 ERA, 149 K’s

RHP Jakob Junis: 39.1 IP, 5.26 ERA, 41 K’s

Lineup

This lineup is deep and deadly. It starts with perhaps the two best power/speed players in MLB, followed by five All-Star all-around hitters. There’s a ton of positional flexibility amongst the starters. C.J. Cron, Manuel Margot, and Eduardo Escobar would be starting on practically every team in MLB currently, and they got relegated to the bench in our fictional lineup. Catcher is the only position lacking talent.

Side note: The names and stats below really contextualize just how absolutely crazy of a season Buxton had, even though injuries kept him to only 61 games.

Second side note: As loaded as this group is, had this team existed in 2021 they wouldn’t have even sniffed the Bomba Squad’s home run record, which is pure insanity.

Starters (All Stats from 2021)

1. Trea Turner, LF: 148 G, 6.5 bWAR, 28 HR, 146 OPS+ (Batting Title)
2. Byron Buxton, CF: 61 G, 4.5 bWAR, 19 HR, 171 OPS+
3. Carlos Correa, SS: 148 G, 7.2 bWAR, 26 HR, 131 OPS+
4. Freddie Freeman, 1B: 159 G, 4.7 bWAR, 31 HR, 133 OPS+
5. Manny Machado, 3B: 153 G, 5.0 bWAR, 28 HR, 131 OPS+
6. Brandon Belt, DH: 97 G, 2.7 bWAR, 29 HR, 160 OPS+
7. Bo Bichette, 2B: 159 G, 5.9 bWAR, 29 HR, 123 OPS+
8. Kevin Kiermaier, RF: 122 G, 3.4 bWAR, 4 HR, 104 OPS+
9. Curt Casali, C: 77 G, 0.7 bWAR, 5 HR, 81 OPS+

Bench (All Stats from 2021)

Manuel Margot, OF: 125 G, 2.8 bWAR, 10 HR, 98 OPS+

Eduardo Escobar, UT: 146 G, 2.4 bWAR, 28 HR, 109 OPS+

Martin Maldonado, C: 125 G, 0.0 bWAR, 12 HR, 58 OPS+

CJ Cron, 1B: 142 G, 3.4 bWAR, 28 HR, 130 OPS+

The conclusion is overwhelming. Follow the Byron Buxton-Carlos Correa pattern and gather up all the players with alliterative names you can, Falvine. All I ask in return is a spot on the float at the parade.

What other alliterative-named players do you have fond memories of, or did I miss any who should have made the team? Let me know in the comments!