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Orioles 5, Twins 3: despite all my rage, I am still just a nincompoop on a base

(And also giving up homeruns is bad, in this ted talk I will...)

Minnesota Twins v Baltimore Orioles Photo by Mitchell Layton/Getty Images

Wow, very little good happened today. However, Byron “MVP” Buxton did this:

In the first inning, - ah heck I don’t want to talk about this game. Can’t I just embed THIS again?

Look how FAR it goes! Huh? The rest of the game? Fiiine...

Fresh off the news of Rocco Baldelli, Luis Arraez, AND Dylan Bundy getting Covid, the Twins still wanted to not lose two in a row to baseball’s punchline, the Baltimore Orioles. Unfortunately Baseball is a game where you swing a big dumb stick thing and based upon the phases of the moon, alignment of the stars, and whose sacrifice to Tyche upon the isthmus of Corinth was more favorable, you may or may not get a hit.

Pop quiz! You are a Twins pitcher and you are facing the Orioles. What do you do? Got your answer? If you picked anything other than “Give up a bunch of solo homeruns” you were wrong!

Ryan Mountcastle, who either rides a castle like a steed or is both a mountain and a castle, took Chris Archer deep in the 2nd. Cedric Mullens did the same in the 3rd, tying the game back up after an interesting Twins run was scored on a play summed up by gameday as “Orioles challened (tag play), call on the field was overturned: Byron Buxton grounds into a force out, third baseman Ramon Urias to second baseman Rougned Odor to first baseman Ryan Mountcastle to catcher Robinson Chirinos. Trevor Larnach scores. Jose Miranda out at home. Ryan Jeffers out at 2nd. Byron Buxton to 1st.”

So I hope that explains it. The Twins almost scored on a Gary Sanchez double, but Max Kepler (who already got caught stealing) was thrown out at home.

Any way, Byron Buxton gave the Twins the lead with the previously shown dinger than went so far into space it should be named “Laika” because it will tragically never be recovered. Wonder if that will last more than an inn- ope, oh nope. Jorge Mateo tied it back up in the bottom of that very same inning with ANOTHER solo homerun, this one off Caleb Thielbar.

Things stayed tied until the 8th when Austin Hays AND Mountcastle both took Jhoan Duran deep. Hope that stops happening!

Oh also Carlos Correa got hit by 2 pitches and had to leave the game. Which is bad.

STUDS:

BYRON BUXTON

Max Kepler: 3 for 4 despite all the tootblanning.

DUDS:

Jhoan Duran

The Twins as a whole for hitting into roughly 50 double plays.

COTG:

Matt Monitto

“Punch the birds,

Punch the birds,

The Baltimore Orioles

Clearly are turds.”