Chris Archer gave up a three-run home run to Rowdy Tellez in the first inning, and with Corbin Burnes on the mound for the Brewers, I thought the game might be over.
Turns out, I was wrong, as the Twins struck back against the Brewer’s ace of aces, getting three of their own in the top of the second on a Jose Miranda home run, doubles by Kyle Garlick and Nick Gordon, and a single by Gary Sanchez. Side note: Jose Miranda’s ownage index against All-Star Brewers pitchers is off the charts.
Unfortunately, it was all Brewers from there on out. The Twins did a great job in running up Burnes’s pitch count in the first two innings, which was a big key for them. However, they really let him off the hook with quick at-bats in the 3rd and 4th, and Rowdy struck again the bottom of the 4th with a three-run home run. This was a quintessential “walks will haunt” moment, as Chris Archer came out for the 4th and walked the bases loaded before being yanked. Jharel Cotton came in to try to put out the fire, and failed miserably, walking in one run and giving up another on a sac fly before the aforementioned Rowdy blast occurred.
The Twins went down quietly again in the 5th, and Yennier Cano gave up a 2-run blast to Luis Urias, pushing the Brewers into double digits.
In the 6th, the Twins recorded their first base-runner since the second inning, as Brewers Minority Owner Jose Miranda singled off Burnes to end a streak of 13 consecutive batters retired. No runs came of it, but Cano settled down to hold the Brewers scoreless in the bottom of the inning after a leadoff walk.
After having nearly 50 pitches through 2 innings, the Twins finally chased Burnes at 102 pitches and 6.0 innings pitched. His replacement, Jake McGee, watched his very first pitch take the fast way out of the ballpark courtesy of Kyle Garlick, and the Twins had a little life for a moment after Nick Gordon walked. However,
Sasquatch Caleb Hamilton, Luis Arraez, and Carlos Correa went down in order to end the inning.
The bottom of the 7th kicked off the “fun substitutions” portion of the blowout, as Gio Urshela came in to play shortstop and Miguel Sano came in at 1st, sliding Luis Arraez to 2nd. Had Caleb Hamilton not come in for Gary Sanchez, the Twins may have sent the absolute WORST infield defense out to the field in league history. As a side note, Trevor Megill retired the side without trouble. In the 8th, Jose Miranda recorded another hit, continuing his hostile takeover of the Milwaukee franchise. If his teammates were as motivated as he is, maybe the Twins wouldn’t have lost so bad today.
Jovani Moran wriggled out a scoreless inning in the bottom of the 8th with a runner on third, and the Twins went down quietly in the 9th, allowing me to stop writing this miserable recap.
Jose Miranda: 3-4, 1 HR, 1 forcing of the Brewers to adopt the Packers’ ownership structure
Kyle Garlick: 2-3, 1 2B, 1 HR, 2 R, 1 BB
Luis Arraez, Carlos Correa, Byron Buxton, Jorge Polanco: 0-16, 8 K’s
Alex Kirilloff: 0-4, 3 K’s
Chris Archer, Jharel Cotton, Yennier Cano: 6.0 IP, 10 ER, 9 BB (WALKS WILL HAUNT, DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MISERABLE SCRUBS)
Joel Hernandez: “If I am here by myself I will have to win COTG by default.”
It turns out Joel was indeed not in there by himself, so sorry to Joel.
ensignchair: “The only Gordon capable of saving us in these trying times” followed by a GIF of Flash Gordon. Give it up for ensignchair, everybody!