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Astros 6, Twins 3: The pit down which they fall is bottomless, as is our despair

Twins lose 6th in a row, continue to prove happiness can not exist in this cruel world.

By Tawny Jarvi
/ new
MLB: Minnesota Twins at Houston Astros Erik Williams-USA TODAY Sports

At the trade deadline the Twins were in first place in the AL Central. While they added much needed support during the trade, their rivals stood still. The Carlos Correa signing, actual trade making Twins were doing everything they were supposed to.

However they forgot the one rule of Minnesota sports. Nothing good can ever happen. Nothing gold can stay.

So when Jorge Polanco went deep with two outs in the first, how many of us expected the lead to stick? After polling the entire world, the results are 0%. 4 entire batters later, Yordan Alvarez grounded into a fielders choice double play that plated a run.

“At least the bases are empty with two outs.” we, real live idiots, thought to ourselves. And then Chris Archer continued to Chris Archer, giving up back to back singles and then a 3 run long dong silver to Trey Mancini. However, at some point in his life someone probably called him “Trey Linguini” and that’s kinda funny, so who is the real winner here?

They may as well have called it there, in the first.

Nick Gordon lead of the 2nd with a triple, immediately scoring on a wild wild pitch, cutting the deficit down to 2, but the Astros would get that run back in the third.

The 5th briefly brought a bit of hope when Gary Sanchez lead off with a double, followed by a Gilberto Celestino single. Luis Arraez even managed to sac fly Sanchez in, but no remembered that you are supposed to hit the ball that inning.

For extra fun, Houston scored another in the 8th to make the Twins 9th all the more improbable, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway as they went down 1-2-3 easily regardless.

Fun Facts:

  • The home plate umpire was none other than John Bacon, CEO of Bacon.
  • The other two AL Central teams that matter also lost, if that’s any consolation.
  • The Twins hit 1.000 today with RISP, lmao. (1 for 1)
  • Minnesota is now one entire game over .500.

STUDS: Polanco (HR) and Urshela (2 hits)

DUDS: Archer (5 runs allowed) Correa and Kepler (both 0 for 4)

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