Theme nights announced for 2023, here are the ones that just missed the cut

The Twins announced their 2023 Theme Nights yesterday. Most of it is pretty fun — Prince Night makes a return, Pride Day, and various pop culture themes. The Vikings and Wild (but not the Timberwolves lol) each get night. Most the local colleges, the usual humdrum. However, we were able to get an intern liquored up, and they revealed the theme nights that just missed the cut.

Hibachi Night:

All fans with tickets in sections 128, 129, 130, and 131 receive a free Hibachi Grill. Delmon Young to throw out the first pitch.

Bert Blyleven Cologne Night

First 100,000 fans receive a bottle of “Bert’s exclusive super manly cologne.” The team refuses to comment on rumors that the cologne smells like a combination of farts and burning shoes.

Dick Bremer Night

You have to shake hands with the person sitting next to you and find out what town they are from. Maps of Minnesota and North Dakota will be provided to help you find these little places.

St Paul Saints Night

Show your support for the Saints and the Twins during “St. Paul Saints Night” at Target Field on Monday, June 19, as the Twins take on the Boston Red Sox. entire Saints roster will have replaced injured Twins by this point anyway.

Every other college night

There are literally 11 different college theme nights, but we probably missed one, so here you go!

Bullpen Night

Tickets priced for whatever the collective Bullpen ERA is at the time. We expect to make some bank.

Little League Night

Scheduled for a game against the Tigers, we invite all Little Leaguers to come to the stadium. We believe this will raise the average baseball talent level in the building significantly.

Snow Day Night

There will be at least one game scheduled for a day that school gets cancelled due to snow. That’s which one this will be.

Free Tomato Night

Cancelled because of an overwhelming sense that a player would be injured by flying vegetables.

Water Bottle Night

No, not what you think. Since we shelled out for Carlos Correa, we need help with the water bill. Bring a bottle of water and dump it in the grass so we don’t have to run the sprinklers!

Fifty Cent Burrito Night

Sponsored by the South Bismarck Cashwise.

Joe Mauer Pool Party Night

A reprise of previous favorite.