Twins 2, Royals 0: The Twins Will Never Lose Another Game Trust Us

The Twins strolled into the first game of the season feeling confident against a Kansas City team that is both a team and from Kansas City and nothing else of note. This confidence proved well-founded despite the fact that the team still seems to be unable to hit a single baseball when the bases are loaded since they performed Macbeth 5 years ago.

Newcomer and lone offseason SP acquisition Pablo López started for the Twinks against Zack Greinke, who is by all accounts still a Major League Baseball player I guess. López would go on to show why he was worth trading Luis Arraez away by striking out 8 in 5.1 scoreless innings and only hitting one guy with a baseball.

A one out double off the bat of Guy Kyle Isbel in the 5th paved the way for a bases loaded 1 out situation, also known an “oh god, oh shit, please won’t somebody help me!” situation. Luckily MJ Melendez was distracted by how much it feels like “Isbel” should have another vowel in it and hit into an inning ending double play instead of ruining my day.

For their part, The Twins had an extremely Twinsian first inning, loading the bases and then doing absolutely nothing, and continued to let Greinke get away with some things until the 6th when Byron Buxton, Inventor of the Steam Engine, lead off with a triple. Trevor Larnach singled him in for the first run of the game/series/season. Greinke left after getting Miranda to fly out. In came lefty Amir Garrett.

“NOW IS MY TIME” Screamed Rocco Baldelli, before pulling a pro gamer move.

Seeing his opponent play one A. Garret in attack mode, Rocco quickly drew two cards from his Bench Deck, then put Kyle Farmer, the Farmer of Kyles in for Nick Gordon.

That’s a walk, but ol’ Rocco isn’t done yet.

Bam, he played Donovan Solano for Joey Gallo. The Double Pinch Blitz payed of and Solano knocked in Larnach for what would be the 2nd and final run of the game.

López, surprisingly, came back in to start the bottom of the 6th, to get Salvador Perez out, before being replaced by Caleb Thielbar, who finished the inning. Thielbar, who replaced López would in turn be replaced by López (no relation.) who would then be replaced by Jax.

Jhoan Durran predictably got the 9th, and despite a walk cruised to secure the first wim of the Twims season. 11 runners left on base? No problem.

By the way, the pitch clock rules.

STUDS: Buxton, López

DUDS: NO DUDS TWINS 1.000 WINNING PERCANTAGE

Comment of the Game goes toooooo Schmenkman for this fun bit of trivia “Just fyi, today’s opener will make the Senators/Twins the 2nd franchise in AL history to play in 19,000 games.”

Thanks Schmenkman.

Ok bye!