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Twins 11, Yankees 2: That just happened

This headline is not a mistake.

MLB: Minnesota Twins at New York Yankees Wendell Cruz-USA TODAY Sports

The Twins are in New York. They are in New York playing the Yankees. They are in New York playing the Yankees and haven’t won a series opener against them since 2014. They are roughly 12 and 999 against the Yankees over my life.

They also do not care.

New Ed, Edouard Julien, lead off with an almost-homer turned off the wall single for his first MLB hit. Congrats New Ed! Next up, Carlos “Back from the Back Spasms” Correa. He slaps a ball, fielded deep by SS Anthony Volpe who makes a pretty good toss from his knees to try for the force play at 2nd.

Julien slides in, and pops up spreading out his arms like wings in a subconscious effort to will the 2nd base Umpire to call him safe.

“lol no, ur out lmao”

So that’s the fi-


April 13th, 2023. 6:18 PM New York

An umpire has just called out Ed Julien at 2nd. No one knows it yet, but this decision will lead to the end of humanity as we know it.

Your assignment is to travel back in time and tell Twins manager Rocco Baldelli to challenge that play.

-rst out, oh no wait, what’s this? Rocco has talked to a mysterious benefactor on the phone and is asking to review the play?

“Yeah he safe” says the Chief Umpire after review. No outs!

Byron Buxton walks to load the bases, entering the classic Bases Loaded No Outs Trap that has claimed many Twins before.

Trevor Larnach hits it to the outfield for a sac fly?! Wow! The Twins scored! Honestly, at that point I was just happy they didn’t get nothing out of it. However, the Miami Twins had smelled blood, and they were about to feast upon Yankee starter Jhony Brito.

Jose Miranda doubles in everyone, Donovan Solano doubles in the guy who just doubled in double dudes. Nick Gordon grounds out. Boo! Christian Vázquez doubles in another run. That’s a lot of doubles!

Michael A. Taylor comes to the plate.

“What does the A stand for?” Brito asks.

“AYYYY I’M HOMERIN’ HEERE” Taylor replies as he hits a big dong.

Colten Brewer replaces Brito, but no one notices or cares, besides me who is wondering why Brewer is a Yankee and not a Brewer.

Ed is up again? First MLB HR.

Correa? HR.

Buxton? Another leisurely walk to first.

Unfortunately after only 13 batters, Larnach would fly out for the 3rd out.

9-0 Twins, entering the bottom of the first.

Is this real life?

Anyway it eventually ended at 11-2 thanks to another HR from Michael A Taylor, noted power threat.

(Oh and 2 solo shots from Anthony Rizzo who is a Yankee now, I guess.)


ED (First MLB Hit and HR)

Joe Ryan (7 Innings, 1 run, 10 ks)

Taylor (Double Dong Day)

Vázquez (3 for 4 with a BB)

DUDS: Never

Comment of the Gamethread: Matt Monitto: “MICHAEL A TATER” with 5 recs, which is 5 more recs than anything Joel said.