/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/72155033/usa_today_12527670.0.jpg)
Today’s home opener against the Houston Astros does not exist. It has never existed.
D̵̩̲͛̐̈́̿̉̐̒̍̏͆̚ǫ̵̢͙̭̪͆͛̾͗̇ ̷̢̨̜͉̙̭̣̥̩͌͊̈́̉̎̚͝͝͝ͅn̷̡̰͙̮̮̍̐͌͠ǫ̸͔̖̗̈́̓͗ṭ̸̛͙̩̫̙͎̓͑ ̶̖̣̼̃͒̒̀̌̉̂̊̈̈́̊̋̐͘͝t̵̝͓̙͉̘̣̝͗̾̈́̅͐̍̈́͐̍̉̇̉͐ǘ̶̲͕͚̻̤́̂̍̍͗͒̌͛̚ň̸̠̪̖̘̼͎̫͙͖͚̞͙̭̀̋͂͗̍͐͐͋̆͜͝͠e̵̖̱̼̬̣͈̦̯͍̰̰͊͋͂̎̈́ ̶̱͓͙̘͆̔̎͑̐ĭ̸̛͙͖͙͍̹̯̓͂n̶̛̼̜̯̗͉̮̭̈́̾́̂́̄̎̎͑͘͜͝ ̸̡͎̪͈̳̓̃̈́̀̔̎̆̌̍͌͝ǔ̶̡̨̖̟̳̻̲̺̮̬͙̫̘̣̆̉̇̉͐͝n̴̜̥̤̻̘̭̫̫̋̉͆͐̍̌͌̅̐̇̏͆̚̚͝ļ̶̨̛͇̭̲̩̗̳̦͓͓̹̙̪͆̎̓̏̈́͐̃̒͠ế̶̱͔̃͊́̊̈́s̶̢̛̛͙̟͔͕̩͕̣͂͛͜͝͠͠s̷̢̡̰̘̹͔͇̯̥̣̘̈́̀̊̇̉͐̋̃́̿̚͘̚ ̵̢̡̲͍͙̲̙͎̥̥̙̈́̑̓͒̋̓́͆̑͘͘͜͝͠ỳ̷̧̛̘͇͖̍̒͆̾͌͆o̴̢̨͎͙̜͈̹͉̖̣͆͂͒̒͆̉͆́̔͝ų̷̧̘͙͚͖̖̙̠̗̦̟̘̉̇̕ ̴̡̢̬̙̻̜̰̪͂̓͌͝ͅw̸̪̃͜i̷̧̗͔̯̮̗͔͖̐̋̉̀̾͂̈́͆̈́̄͊͒̆͘ͅs̷̛͇̀̌̄͠h̷͎̪̟͒͒ ̵̧̛̜̘̯̤̜͈̮̮̫̘̼̻͆̑t̶̰̤̤͙͐͗̈́̈́ͅò̶͈̣̖͔̼̱̼̎̄͘ ̷͙̗̜̩͈̙̪̺͖̪̭̥͂̇̒̀̃͗̿̚͜͝ś̸̥͍̗͍̼͕̯͓̪͍̗̭͕̮̰͐̔͆̎̆̾̄́̈́͋͐ȩ̸͍͉̤̬̱͈̥̺͈̯̗̥̻̊̌͋͛͝ę̶͕̬͗̅̉̽̈́͝ ̴̧̧͓͈͈́́̽̓̐͆̓̀̆͌͗̈́͠ẅ̸̛̛͓̱̰̞̦̳̭̑͛̀̈́͒̈́h̸̛͖̼̦̠̠̦͎̞̦̟͉̭̄̽̔͗̈́̌́̚͝ͅá̵̠̋͐̈́ṯ̴̨̜̜͍͙̠̈́̕ ̸̣͚͓̰̖͓̫͙̭̱͉͒͋͆̉͑̔̀͜m̵̧̡̡̘̪̼̻̯͖̺̝̅̃̅̓̀̎́̄̇͜ă̶̘͍̼͈̑̔ǹ̸͉̯͓͍͚̯͍̉̇́ ̷͈̖̘̪̩͎͒̏̊͆̓͆͘͠ẃ̸̺̭͐̈́͑̔̎̆̎̎͘̕͝a̵̝̤̾̚ś̶̘͎͂̔̎̐̉̒͂͌̕͘̕͠ ̸̰͗n̴̨̨̛͍̯̣̰̭̞͎͚̥͇͍̓̈́̌̍̈́͊ę̵̟̲̝̳̜̫̥̄̈̽͑̈́̊͛̈́͐̆̀̈͝v̵̧͍̫͉̙̫̄͊̀̆̈́̂̍̐͘ē̶̦͚̫̗̜̠̍͊̃̓̽͜r̶̪̼̻̺̙̣̤̳͍̱̊͊͛̚͠ ̵̧̘̻̬̝̭̯̥̖̘́̈́͌̊͆̎̈̐͐̈́͘͘͝͝ͅm̵̲̖̜͖̀̆̃͠e̶̛̤̞̫̯͔͕̺̘̣̤̤̍̈́̊̃͐̅̅̇̊͘͘̚͝͝ͅą̸͓͇̪̖̲͖͔͚̪̫͆͒̊́͂̏̒̓̌̆̾̕͝n̸̘̈́́͒͛̋̋̌͂̃̕̚̚͝t̸̨̨̛͈̥͉̦͔͉͆̔̀͌̇̽ ̴̡̨̝̯͍̟̯̲̈́̍̋̑̀̈́͐̋̉͐̃̂̕͝t̵̫͙̻̯̮̹̫̙̯̏̋́̀̍̋̽̐͠ó̶̦͗͒̎̏̓͌̇̓͐͛͘͝͝͝ ̷̨̬̝̙̤̩̺̄̐̾̑͋̋̋͋̽ͅs̶̨̛̬̭̬̫̖̬͔̰̥̠̯̬̟̩̕ẽ̷̻̼̻̗̭̤̪̼̋̈́͂̓̎̃̊̍ě̷̤̫̰̞͖̥̐͊̔̾̓̿̿̿̌͠.̸̨̛̯̜̜̼͓̑͝
Anyway, tune in tomorrow for a game that was totally already scheduled for tomorrow at 3:10 PM, not today. Today’s game never existed.
T̶̢̨̳͍̦̟̭͇̻̗̦̕͜h̶̡̨̡̼̺̦͔̜͖̖͎̝̥̻̮̟̝͚̳͓̋͜ͅȩ̶̛̛̣͓̯̤̠̯̥̭̖̠͂̊̅̂̏̊̈́̍̐̐̓̔̔͌͑̑͌̈́̔̃́͘̚͜͠͠ ̷̛̫͇̪͓̟̓̿̏̾́̍̈́͋̿̒̄̔͆͌̈͐́̆̽̈̄͑̃̾ẻ̶͉̩͓̖̫̤̲̟͔̝͉̻͇̞̘̖̫̳͕͌̐̏́̚ͅn̷̹̟͖̗͉̼̯͖̟̱̻̭̗̲̫͓̞̳̗͔͍̻̐̌͐͜͝ḑ̵̢̛͍͎͉̩̦̤̯͉̠̞̻̯͓̲͔͓̩̩͇̫͍͕̪͕͎̓̎̈̾̽͌͑͑̽̑͋̓̋̿̒̑͘̕͝͠ͅ ̴̜̈́̌͆́̈̂͑́͐̑̐̕͠ḯ̶̢̛̟̪̻͙̳̫̩͇̞̰̘͚͛̉̎̋́̀̒͐̃̂̈́͑̈́̓̃̍̂̑̑̂̇̃͂͗͝͝͝s̷̬͚̜̘͎̜͙̠̤͖̋́̎̉̈͋̑́̅́͋̀͑̅ ̸̧̧̱̝͕̲̞̻̦̜̩͕͓̠̲̯̫͍͌̀̉̑̄̑̅͑̐̀̿̈̃̂͂͋͂͋͂̿́̂̀̀̓̆͐̕͘͝ͅh̷̛̥̣͙̬͍̻̟̳̗̏̊͜e̴̡̧̼͕̝̺̟̠̟̰̣͚͇͇̼̳̓̔͗̈́̈́̓̑́͗͆̄̒̃ͅr̶̮͍͖͈͔͎̮͉̬̈́͊̑e̷̢̡̛̹͕̲̩̤͎̊͋̏̅̄̉͂͒̊͆̉͗͋̓͗͒̄̏̆̐̿͌͗̐̚̕̚͝,̵̢̛̘̳͎͕̼̬͉̩̣͖͇̫̺̖̥̗͇̣̺̗̓̊͛̋͂̏͒̂͆̑͛͋́̇̓̚͘̚͝ͅ ̴̛͍̮̗͕͇̱́̀̓̎͋̾̋͑̊͑͆̓̈͛̔̏͌̌́̌͌̾̀̓͘̕͠͝͝m̵̧̨̧̡̫͕͚̯̻̬̲͕̟̼̳̱͚̭̞̂̽̾̆̔̍̐́̃̓͘͘͜͠͝͝ͅớ̷̧̼̻̮̗̺̪̥̯͖̪͚̖̦͚̖̥͎̪͖͓́̂̽̀̈́̈̄̐̀̿͆̐͛̓̈̎̍̈́̔̓̅̽̕͝ͅr̴̨̧̡̢̨̤͙̜̱̖̙̜͙͔͚͉̙̮͈̜͓̯̤̲̖̳̒̍̆́̊ͅt̷̛̮̼͍͙̀̇̀͌̒͂̄̓̅͒̎͊̅̂̑͘͘͘̚͝͝͝͝͝͝a̴̛̜̩̯̳̅̽̋́̂̚l̶̨̹̠͕͍͈̼̳̗̤̰͇̫̲̩͎͔̬̱̖̤̟̺̩̜̫̈́̏̉̐̎̉͋̈́̊̂̌̈́̏͌̈́͋̓̕͜͜ͅ
:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24566840/canvas.png)
Loading comments...