Early Twins offensive struggles are overcome by later two-out hitting, then undermined by unfortunately familiar relief oopsies. Inning-by-inning notes:
1: Oddly, Angels starter Reid Detmers (a lefty) has been awful against lefties so far this season. Nevertheless, this is probably a statistical outlier, and Roccine Falvelli is nothing if not a slave to statistical norms, so the Twins’ lineup is righty-mighty. Detmers mows them down easily here.
Joe Ryan allows a leadoff blooper but strikes out the next three guys. All swinging. I’ll take it. They didn’t.
2: Kyle/Kyle/Jeffers = K/K/walk. Then there’s Willi Castro, who provides no revolution of the agrarian proletariat. Incidentally, BRef lists two players named “Guevara.” Between them, they logged 36 MLB games. No BRef Lenins are available. There are four Lennons, though, and of these, I like Pat Lennon’s profile picture best. Anyways, Castro Ks, too.
3: Well, the Twins’ first lefty, Trevor Larnach, doesn’t do anything, so maybe this Detmers guy is just really great against all hitters, or the Twins are swinging for the fences at everything, because this is the TriConeOfTruth everybody loves.
Hey, hitting! Zach Neto and Mickey Moniak, whom I’ve never heard of either, get a single and a double (hits, not dates), and Taylor Ward provides the sacrifice (fly, not firstborn human/chicken/goat). Angels 1-0
4: Correa draws a walk, and Garlick generously gives Detmers his eighth strikeout. In the time of the Angels, a Hunter gathers a hit and a Larnach misplays a Brandon Drury knock to let the Hunter score. Then, later, Ryan Jeffers makes a bad play and Drury scores. I am now immensely bored by this game and plan on imbibing over-21 beverages for the duration. Hopefully not over 21 of these.
Before beveraging, though, I note that resident NERD John Foley brings up the Disney-esque name of a lifelong minor-leaguer, David Popkins. Popkins played one season for the Batavia Muckdogs of upper New York state. Per Wiki, the town of Batavia had a weird scandal in 1826 involving the Masons, which may/may not have led to the Erie Canal bypassing Batavia, which definitely led to Rochester becoming a bigger city, so in an alternate universe the Batavia Muckdogs were where future Twins once grew.
Now I’m drinking. Angels 3-0
5: I DON’T CARE (two more Twins strikeouts)
Ryan bounces back with two Ks of his own. We get our Gladdenism Of The Game on the Angels' all-but-nonexistent playoff appearances during Trout's career: "well, you can't blame the owner, he's been trying." Yeah, to meddle in roster decisions (like a fool) and to get taxpayer freebies for a new stadium + discount development property (like every owner does). Manfred couldn't have kissed owner hiney any better, Dazzle!
6: two MORE Twins whiffs before a Correa walk. Bringing Buxton up and, Adventure! Excitement! He singles! The no-hitter is over! File Karma (no, I won't explain it for the three outsiders who find this) gets another single, and Correa scores! That's it for Detmers. Someone called a Jimmy Herget replaces him.
Kirilloff comes in to pinch-hit for Garlick... and doubles just inside the first-base bag, everybody scores! (Not Kirilloff, he's too lazy to score on a double.) This baby's all B up, (you can look up what "B" stands for). It’s 3-3!
7: Castro dong! From each according to their abilities! Almost a Micheal A "Tater" Taylor dong, but Mickey Moniak (the fifth Monkee) robs him at the wall.
Anyways, Twins leading!
Anyways, Twins not leading! Capt. Griffin Jax, USAF, comes in fresh off a TwinkieTown article about how his struggles this season have been more bad luck than bad pitching. Since all TT writers have Curse Power, Jax actually does pitch badly (with some umping assist), causing me to look up the second verse of the Air Force anthem, containing this lyric:
"Hands of men blasted the world asunder"
Yup. Angels 5-4
8: the Twins all LOOOOOZE at hitting because they are lazy and don't care and this does not describe any Twins bloggers on any site ever
By the way, late-career reclamation case Brock Stewart continues to do well out of the Twins' pen. SSS, to be sure, but we can all root for Old Folks like him (he's 31) to succeed.
9: It ends, thankfully, as I have to go to a thing called Strides For Stroke in the morning (strokes aren't just for The Olds, anymore, ask Mrs. James or Drew Magary!) I resent all activities involving, well, activity, but Mrs. James did point out that "you only have to walk as far as I can," which, alas, isn't far, now. But, yay, it's not far, now! Twins lohse (spelling in honor of a former Kyle).
Studs: Ryan after that bad inning, Castro
Duds: Jax (Foley's fault), the Cuban Missile Crisis (about equally Castro/Kennedy/Krushchev's fault)
Comments Of The Game were legion. A few standouts to my tired brain... Joel: “Trout has not adjusted his time zone so he showed up to play too early.” gintzer: “Ugh. Reid Detmers is throwing a no hitter. I said no hitter.” (This followed by the no-hitter ending, followed by geomyidae’s “The power of Gintzer suggestion is strong. Ignore at your own peril.”) norff had on Taylor’s almost-homer “hello irish police i would like to report a tater robbery,” and Jinxer Supreme J.F. typed “The Angels’ big mistake last inning was not loading the bases with Twins on purpose.”
Best, though, was Name-Game: "Fuck LA. Robot umps needed. Time for bed."
Tune in tomorrow for St. Paul’s Louie Varland against the Sandoval-named Patrick Sandoval at... what, 9:07 PM? If you’re a nite owl!