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Twins 7, Guardians 6: Walk Off Willi

Wow we actually won?!

MLB: Minnesota Twins at Houston Astros Thomas Shea-USA TODAY Sports

I’m very tired so enjoy (?!) my inning by inning stream of conscious.

1st: I missed the top of the first because I was eating cheese. I don’t think anything interesting happened though. In the Twins half of the inning, Correa hit a ball 410 feet, but I guess that’s just a really long routine fly ball.

2nd: Andres Jimenez lead off with a blooper dooper double that Royce Lewis almost caught but instead ripped up a bunch of turf the size of my head. Pablo Lopez then struck out the next 2 batters.

There is an ad behind home plate for “fast and free” WiFi with some kind of membership, which means the WiFi isn’t free because you are paying for the membership. I thought Target Field had free WiFi already? I guess that’s slow and free WiFi.

Will Brennan singled to drive in the first run of the game while I was writing about WiFi. Then a nifty little play by Polanco sent us to the bottom of the inning, in which the Twins achieved literally nothing against Tanner Bibee, which is apparently pronounced “Bye Bee.” We don’t want the bees to go bye, that’s a complete ecological collapse.

3rd: Lopez had a 1-2-3 inning including an excellent play on a ball that nearly hit his toes. The Twins, unsurprisingly, struck out a bunch, but Christian Vazquez broke up the 2.2 inning Perfect Game with a single up the middle. Polanco then hit a ball to the warning track. The warning is for approaching disappointment.

4th: Lopez had another 1-2-3. He good y’all. Dick’s Sporting Goods Ad in which they mention I wonder how much they had to pay someone for that URL? Kiriloff walked, so at least that was at least something. Buxton, of course, got hit by a pitch in the ribs but stayed in the game. Kepler had Buxton’s back by immediately hitting a single down the right field line, scoring Kiriloff to tie the game. Maybe Buxton would have scored too if he had any breath in his lungs. The Umpire forgot the count and almost gave Royce Lewis a 4th strike. Umpires suck lmao.

5th: Another 1-2-3 for Lopez. Michael A. Taylor lead off the Twins half with a homerun, and then Vazquez doubled. Might be Bye Bee time. Kirilloff got Kirilon base with an RBI single. Twins up by 2. Correa strikes out, and oh look Buxton is out of the game. Donovan Solano singled up the middle, so that’s nice.

6th: Thanks to Steven Kwan, Lopez did not get a 1-2-3 inning. In fact he also scored, bringing the Guardians within 1. Then they tied it with a groundball.

Meanwhile Dick Bremer said the old Cleveland name on accident and we learned every time he does that he donates to charity, which I actually find pretty cool.

I don’t find Cleveland getting another RBI single and now the Twins are losing. 6 Innings was too much I guess, because the bases are now loaded. Oh, that’s two more runs on what I think is the 400th single of the inning. Credit to the Guardians for being a bunch of little bastards. Here comes Pagan!

Pagan actually did it, and now we have confirmation it is indeed Bye Bee time. Only now he’s going to get the coveted pitcher W.

7th: I’m going to be a fatalist and go sad girl mode, so I’m going to play Darkest Dungeon for the rest of the game. New RF Joey “My Future Husband” Gallo took a double away from Kwan with a diving catch. Kepler and Correa were taken out of the game, I’m sure that’s nothing. Pagan sails through the inning.

Twins go down 1-2-3. Yep.

8th: Another scoreless inning for Pagan. Willi Wheels Castro beat out a grounder, then Solano doubled him in. Maybe it isn’t totally over? ROYCE LEWIS IWAHFJKJHSKLFAHJFJKALFJ CENTER FIELD!? Brand new ball game.

9th: Griffin Jax allowed nothing, yay! Can the Twins walk it off? Vazquez leads off with a 4 pitch walk. Good sign. Polanco doubles! Maybe if we didn’t inexplicably use up the entire bench, a pinch runner could have scored there. Still, 2 on 0 out. They’ll intentionally load the bases walking Kirilloff. Here comes Willi. Willi Wins! MILLI MINS. TWIMS WIM. (He hit ball to outfield.)

STUD: Willi, Pagan, Kirilloff, Lewis

DUDS: No Duds Twins Win (Actually Correa, Kepler, Gallo.)

CoTG: FalconTimmyKepler got a migraine headache, Correa reinjured the heel, and Buxton sore ribs. So much for keeping the lineup in tact.”

Can we trust FalconTimmy? No one lies on the internet, so probably. Hahah, that sucks.