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Twins 6, Red Sox 0: Welcome to the Joe Show

Joe Ryan just pitched such a good game I’m not even going to try make a joke here.

Boston Red Sox v Minnesota Twins Photo by David Berding/Getty Images

Byron Buxton hit two 460+ foot long dong silvers, and that was going to be the lead until Joe Ryan just continued to be Joe Ryan for 9 entire innings. So welcome to the Joe Recap of the Joe Ryan Show Ryan, sponsored by Joe Ryan.

b/w Byron Buxton.

Before the game I assume something like this played out in the Twins clubhouse

“Attention Twins, you won last night despite an obviously blown call. It is illegal to win twice in a row. You will go to jail if you win.” shouted the Baseball cops.

“lmao I’m gonna pitch a complete game shutout lol.” replied Joe Ryan doing a sick backflip on his bicycle. “Baseball Law can’t touch me.”

“I am also here too” Byron Buxton chimed in.

Carlos Correa took opener Justin Garza deep in the second at bat of the Twins 1st. They could have just stood there the rest of the game not swinging at any pitch and they would have won. However that would be weird and dumb, so they did not.

Two batter later Buxton did the same, absolutely crushing a ball 466 feat into the left field stands. Then in the next inning, Minnesota tacked on two more with a Double RBI Double Bagger from Michael A. Taylor, who then promptly forgot you have to touch the bases and was called out.

In the 3rd Buxton was back and was 1 Subway Sandwich away from repeating his heroics in the 2nd, but instead had to settle for only a 465 foot home run.

“Oops, I accidentally just became the first hitter in the statcast era to hit two 460+ HRs in the same game.” Buxton said as he touched home plate. “Silly me.”

The Twins decided not to score in the 4th. This is a stylistic choice, and I ask that you respect their art.

Meanwhile Joe Ryan allowed his first base runner on a single by Justin Turner. Turner would not see second base.

For a change of pace, the Twinks decided to small ball a run up in the 5th with Kyle Farmer leading off with a walk, and then getting to third after two groundouts. Setting up Royce Lews for a RBI single.

And then Joe Ryan just kept coming out of the dugout? Did Rocco know this? WHO IS REALLY IN CONTROL?!!!!

Anyway, he absolutely breezed through the rest of the game, only allowing 2 more singles and zero (0!) walks. (One of the singles was, politely, the first MLB hit for David Hamilton. That’s always nice to see!)

I don’t know what else to say. Joe Ryan good. First Twins complete game shutout since Jose Berrios 400 years ago in 2018, Twins are back at .500 and looking to be hopefully coming out of their funk.

STUDS: Joe Ryan: 9 Innings, 9 Strikeout, 0 Walks, 0 Runds, 3 Entire Hits.

Also Byron Buxton who hits baseballs like they are golf balls being hit with an aluminum bat.

Thank you good night.