Game 83: Twins at Orioles

Time: 6:05 Central

Weather: Muggy, chance of storms, 84° at scheduled start time

Opponent’s SB site: Camden Chat

TV: BSN (for now, future still hazy). Radio: Broadcasting O’s games in six states and a District

MLB team record for strikeouts: 1596. Twins’ current pace: 1656

27-year-old Orioles starter Dean Kremer has dual Israeli-American citizenship and speaks fluent Hebrew as well as English. He’ll need to last a while to match the first significant Jewish pitcher in franchise history, Barney Pelty, known rather rudely as “The Yiddish Curver.” (Yiddish, of course, is a language, not an ethnic identity.) This SABR article is a nice little bio of Pelty, who was indeed known for his effective curve, until his arm blew out at 31 from years of being used the way starters were back then (at 23, he threw 301 innings in a season). Pelty, although non-religious, was unashamed of being Jewish in an era when many Americans changed their names to try and deflect bigotry.

Kremer barely throws a curve at all, though (he used to, but it got hit a lot) He sticks mostly with a 95-ish fastball, cutter and change. Digits:

Pablo López has partially been the victim of bad pitching luck, increased expectations after signing a contract extension, and a frustrated fan base who miss the Twins’ best hitter.

There’s good news coming soon, though, as the CPU version of López just did this:

Need a closeup? WITNESS AND WORSHIP MY GAMING SKILLS!

That’s a PERFECT FRIGGIN’ GAME, baby!

It only took me 23 years and 2500-ish tries, but I finally got a perfect baseball video game. The on-screen graphic countdown began in the 7th inning, and the prerecorded commentary started mentioning it in the eighth. I got warnings about “Pitcher Getting Tired” and “Pitcher’s Arm Has Exploded Into Bloody Cloud,” but I ignored these, as digital Pablo can feel no pain. (Unless video-game characters actually do...)

I had to get up and go to the bathroom several times out of nervousness, knowing that this moment would likely never occur again. Since, 23 years from now, if I were still playing video games, the nurses in the home would take the controller away from me.

Then... the last out. A graphic of the Twins mobbing Pablo on the mound. And...

Nothing. I didn’t even win any unlockable trophies. My greatest gaming feat was flatly over, and the triumph was immediately replaced by “oh, time to watch some TV now.” The glory was fleeting.

Until Pablo throws a perfect game tonight, in which case it’s because of me. If he sucks, it’s because of him, though.