Rays 2, Twins 1: Rotten to the score

So the game turned in the ninth. Down 1-0 (Isaac Paredes solo HR), the Twins scraped together a rally on walks and hit batsmen, Michael A. Taylor stealing two bases and scoring on a Royce Lewis single. But with the bases loaded and one out, Ryan Jeffers hit a grounder that third baseman Paredes insanely nabbed and started a double play.

Two pitches later, Jhoan Duran surrendered a walk-off dinger to Randy Arozarena.

That’s how they lost.

(My graphic for the lineup card was a wedding invitation. Perhaps it ought to have been a funeral.)

But I want to talk about the Minnesota offense... if one can call it an offense.

(as sung by a Twins batter — any of them)

Every time I swing at you
The fanbase holds its breath
And I’m just flailing here
When you’re thrown my way,
This at bat has met its death

And many fans are raining
Boos on all our guys tonight

I see your shape in middle strike zone,
I should hit you far and deep,
I take my time swinging right at you,
But I miss the barrel and weep.

And it’s a trend that’s draining
Through this long-whiffing club tonight,

I keep missing you, the ball, (Missing you)
When you get thrown my way
I keep missing you (Missing you)
No matter what night or day

There’s some balls I send a mile,
But sent outside of the big yellow pole
There are more I’m softly popping up
And it’s hurting me down to my soul.
Through this tilt, my team is losing,
Nowhere near our hopeful final goal

And it’s my faith that’s waning,
Drooping all season through tonight

I keep missing you, the ball, (Missing you)
When you get thrown my way
I keep missing you (Missing you)
No matter what night or day

And there’s a stressing that I’m bearing down
Like a burdened weight of my sin.
And if I can’t fix this missing,
How can this team ever win?

I keep missing you, the ball, (Missing you)
When you get thrown my way
I keep missing you (Missing you)
No matter what night or day
I keep missing you, I keep missing you,
So I cry to myself

And there’s a mind that’s straining
Through this painful game tonight

I keep missing you, the ball, (Missing you)
When you get thrown my way
I keep missing you (Missing you)
No matter what night or day
Keep missing you,
I keep missing you...

STUDS

SP Pablo López: 7 IP, 5 H, 1 R (the Paredes HR), 1 BB, 6 K
RP Brock Stewart: 1 IP, 2 K
PR Michael A. Taylor: 2 SB, 1 R

DUDS

RP Jhoan Duran: one batter, two pitches, one walk-off homer
the entire lineup: 3-29, 9 Ks, 1 run

Comment of the Game goes to James Fillmore for an apt Easter egg analogy.