Mariners 5, Twins 0

Pre-Game: Jarred Kelenic was placed on the IL with a fractured foot after he kicked a watercooler in anger after striking out to Jhoan Durán last night, which is not only hilarious, but also sounds like a special move in an obscure Baseball-based fighting game for the Sega Saturn. Probably a super. Tough break for an Ed, regardless.

1st: Before I even got to the computer, Pablo López had given up a run, but only one run with one out and bases jacked seems like pretty good damage control. This included back to back strikeoouts to end the inning. Good Jab, Pab. (Hahah, this doesn’t bode well actually.)

Meanwhile Mariners starter George Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland sent the top of the Twins order down...in order.

Quick 9-pitch 1-2-3 inning for López, which is a very nice look after his 1st inning. However, it didn’t give me time to look up how to do the “ó” which you think I would have memorized by now.

3rd: Went back and fixed that while Kyle Farmer struck out, and even managed to make some Cheddar Broccoli Rice A Roni as the Twins continued to fail at gettting a baserunner.

Anyway, what’s y’all’s favorite Rices of Roni? Mine is either creamy 4 cheese or cheddar broccoli. Send me free rice, Quaker Oats.

Another 1-2-3 inning for Pablo. May he forgive me for my sin of doubting his abilities 2 innings ago.

4th: BRB, I gotta run to the post office to ship some guy in Florida a Venasaur.

Teoscar Hernandez homered while I was away. I gotta stop being away! 2-0 Mariners. At least Matt Wallner singled so Minnesota isn’t being perfect gamed.

5th: Kyle Farmer hit a 2-out tri-bagger, but nothing came of it.

6th: Nothing interesting again, started thinking about robots. López still going strong. Except he’s a different López

7th: One of the innings of all time.

8th: 2-Run Homer by Mike Trukk Ford. Still off of López, who then hit two guys in a row, and then a third after a strikeout, which, is sub-optimal. It is also how I act in baseball video games when I’m losing too much and get mad, but that’s probably not what’s happening.

BORN TO DIE
BASEBALL IS A FUCK
BEAN EM ALL 1989
I AM PITCHER MAN
410,757,864,530 HIT BATSMEN

Anyway Cole Sands came in and threw a wild pitch, 5-0 Mariners. Haha, this sucks.

Maybe the Twins should score a run so I have something fun to recap.

9th: nope lol.

STUDS: None

DUDS: All

See you all IN HELL.