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Twins 5, White Sox 4: Bats oversleep, show up late but just in time (12 innings)

Stealing an undeserved win

Start of daylight saving time Photo by Sven Hoppe/picture alliance via Getty Images

This is the Twins we are talking about. They entirely deserved this loss, and had plenty of opportunities to not lose. But they made us wait three extra innings for it to happen.

Noted Tall Person Bailey Ober pitched six innings and upheld his side of the deal, holding the Sox to a totally reasonable amount of runs. He gave up a second-inning home run to Eloy Jimenez. You’ll have that happen sometimes, The non-Morlock has already mashed 12 taters this year. In the third inning, Zach Remillard but some mustard on a ball and doubled the Sox score by depositing a big fly into the left field bleachers. And that wasn’t enough damage for the condiment man! In the fifth, Oscar Colas singled, and then stole second. Remillard’s single then brought in Colas(law). Finally, in the tenth, Manfred Man Zach Remillard scored courtesy of a Tim Anderson double.

Meanwhile, the Twins failed to capitalize on plenty of opportunities. Fifteen strikeouts contributed to sixteen men left on base. The Twins went 5-22 with runners in scoring position! FIVE. For. TWENTY-TWO.

The Twins put two on with nobody out in the bottom of the ninth, thanks to a leadoff walk by Matt Wallner and a single by Ryan “Cheese Curd” Jeffers. Pinch hitter Willi Castro doubled to finally score a runner, pushing Wallner home and Cheese Curd to third. A Carlos Correa sac fly was at least a productive out with a RISP, and brought in Jeffers. Alex Kirilloff hit a game-tying, two out double, and sent the thing into Manfredball.

In the tenth, pinch runner Joey Gallo brothers wine moved to third on a wild pitch, and scored thanks to pinch hitter Kyle Farmer’s sac fly. Byron Buxton FINALLY got a hit and singled, bringing up pinch hitter Christian Vasquez, as Rocco decided to use his entire bench. Vasquez popped out, and I really only mentioned him to note the use of the bench. Anyway, a long Jeffers at-bat ended in a walk, and Willi Castro came back up, just to fly out with more runners on, and one in scoring position, sending the game to the 11th.

That made Castro the eleventh inning Manfred Man, and Carlos “Potluck” Correa the leadoff batter, who promptly drew an intentional walk. Three more outs, including a K by Eduoard Julien, and off to the 12th and the Emilio Pagan Experience. His Dark Materials actually did his job tonight, and the Sox went down easy.

The Twins half of the twelfth inning provided us with EVEN MOAR opportunities for RISPy LOBsters! But that didn’t happen! Joey Gallo started the inning standing on second, and moved to third on Kyle Farmer’s single. Byron Buxton drew an intentional walk to load the bases with nobody out. Christian Vasquez hit into a 5-2-3 double play, but that meant two in scoring position and two outs for Cheese Curd Jeffers. A ground ball single brought home the winning run and OH MY GOD ITS FINALLY OVER I’VE ONLY REWRITTEN THIS RECAP LIKE SEVEN TIMES!!!!1

Oliver Ortega, who is a baseball pitcher apparently, pitched two scoreless innings out of the bullpen tonight. He’s 26 years old and that makes me sad. When did I become an Old? Jorge Lopez finished out regulation for the Twins giving up just one hit in his inning. Jhoan Duran pitched the one-run tenth, and Griffin “Apple” Jax got the Sox to go three-up-three-down in the eleventh. Lucas Giolito threw five (obviously) scoreless innings for the Pale Hose, and was responsible for putting nine Twins back on the pine. Joe Kelly and Reynaldo Lopez each pitched an inning, and sat down three and one more Twin respectively. Remember when those guys were mediocre starters? I used to look forward to facing Lopez! Throwing in the ninth, Kendall Graveman, who has an absolutely badass name for a pitcher, was not such a badass and let the Twins tie it up. He didn’t strike anyone out. Tanner Banks also blew a save, and Jesse Schlotens took the loss.


Anyone who pitched, because someone has to be a Stud


Anyone who touched a bat during the first eight innings, but especially:
Donovan Solano (0-4, 4k)
Michael Taylor (0-3, 3k)
Byron Buxton (1-5, 2k)


Uncle Lincoln: Cleveland Stupidheads Guardians Stupid Guardians putting together their own 9th 10th inning rally, unfortunately. Gotta keep up with the Joneses Stupids.