Rocco Baldelli: My new title is ‘King’

In a press conference last night, held in the “Joe Mauer Memorial Sex Dungeon and Conference Room” behind the left field wall of Target Field, Twins Manager Rocco Baldelli made a huge announcement — the team is going to be making some changes.

“This week we saw what really puts fear into these guys, Royals” stated the skipper. While known as a player’s manager, Baldelli apparently is set on changing that culture. “They aren’t playing as good as we want. We tell them to play good and they don’t, so we need to put some fear into them. We found their biggest fear.” He continued “from now on, we expect to be addressed as “Your Majesty, and you better believe they’re gonna do it! If they don’t, We’ll have them exiled to Australia or something!”

The Twin’s broadcast team seems split on the idea, with Dick Bremer calling it “gosh-darn unamerican,” while Justin Morneau stated “Respecting the Queen never hurt me growing up in Canada, eh.”

Baldelli, or King Rocco the first as he now prefers to be called, also hinted at a possible change to the staff, musing “We wonder what Michael Cuddyer is up to now, we could let him be the court magician, but only if he will change his name to Merlin.”

In a follow up statement, Derek Falvey clarified that these changes are not team-sanctioned, and that the matter would be dealt with internally.

Snarky Twins fans on the internet were also quick to point out that Yankees are undefeated against Kings — kind of like Rocco Baldelli’s playoff history.