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Twins 5, Cardinals 3: Bad Team slightly better than worse team

Still above .500!

Minnesota Twins v St. Louis Cardinals Photo by Joe Puetz/Getty Images

Sonny Gray is a good pitcher who always gives the Twins a chance to win. However, Cardinals starter Matthew Liberatore is one of the left handed pitchers of all time, which against the Twins means he’s basically Kenny Kawaguchi from Backyard Baseball 97.

Still, someone forgot to inform the 2nd inning Minnesota batsmen of this so they didn’t remember to be awful, and two two-run ding-a-dongs later (thanks to Ryan Jeffers and Michael A. Taylor) the Twinks had a nice 4-run lead.

St. Louis, patron saint of, let me check my notes, barbers apparently, got one run back in the bottom of said inning due to a double off the bat of Dylan Carlson.

The score stayed the same until the 6th when the Twins managed to load the bases. Liberatore was delivered from his hell and replaced by Drew VerHagen who commited one of the classic blunders and walked M.A.T to bring in a run, revealing the only way the Twins can score with the bases loaded is when the opposing team forces them to. They obviously did not score any more that inning.

Sonny the Gray also allowed a run in the 6th, giving up a homer to Alec Burleson before becoming Sonny the White and promising to return on the first light of the 5th day and leaving to do some vague wizard shit.

The Cardinals continued to not really hit, with the exception of 9 hole hitter José Fermín whose 2 hits managed to go nowhere, proving his paradox is solved by the Great Filter of Saint Louis’s top of the order, thus preventing the Cards from becoming a Type 1 Baseball Team.

I guess they scored in the 9th sometimes but for the life of me I can’t figure out where on this gameday app it says that happened. I dunno, look it up yourself. I’m not your mother.

STUDS: Gray, Taylor, Solano, Jeffers

DUDS: Do not even ask, you aren’t a part of this Turbo Team. Until you are a part of this Turbo Team, DON’T. ASK.