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Game 135: Twins at Rangers

Yes, the Twins just played this team... and yes, you hit your head and traveled back in time. Both things are true. Deal with it.

Minnesota Twins v Baltimore Orioles
We feels ya, man.
Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images

Time: 7:05 Central

Weather: A/C on, 72°

Opponent’s SB site: Lone Star Ball

TV: BSN. Radio: Is there anybody alive out there

MLB team record for strikeouts: 1596. Twins’ current pace: 1671

When Texas traded for Max Scherzer in July, they were leading the AL West; currently, they are clinging to the final wild-card spot (and would face the Twins if the playoffs started today). The Rangers hope Scherzer’s experience can deliver postseason success, making the price of a top prospect (and $43 million next season) worth it. He’s still very good, as he showed the Twins last Saturday. Joe Ryan was good in that one as well, returning from the IL. He looked more like his first 10 games this season (2.21 ERA) than his next 12 (6.51). YTD digits:

Scrotum-owning Twins fans will remember how, in 2021, Mitch Garver went down in the first inning of a game in Baltimore with a foul tip to the groin. He required emergency surgery, and would miss six weeks of the season in recovery. As Rocco Baldelli said, “this is about as painful of a situation as I think you could really ever see.”

Naturally, the team didn’t reveal any personal medical details about the procedure, but a usual reason one would have surgery is if there’s something like an internal rupture, which of course would be horrible.

Before we knew Garver required surgery, some of us in the gamethread comments made nervous jokes about his leaving the game. For whatever odd reason, humor of this kind is common among males. I participated a little, which I did feel bad about later.

Not because Garver would have read the comments. But just because it's a thing one should be wary of joking about, from an "invites bad karma" perspective.

Sure enough, there would soon be some small measure of karmic payback. And it came in the name and the form of a Toby.

Toby is a very large female rescue dog, given a boy dog's name by the rescue shelter because of her size. Toby is owned by Mrs. James's oldest friend, and Mrs. James loves to dogsit good dogs. Toby is a very good dog. (She'll eat anything in mouth range, including our garden, but that’s just what dogs do.)

Toby is such a good dog, in fact, that the first time I met her she jumped up to start licking my face as I sat on the couch.

Meaning putting all of her momentum into one balancing paw landing straight on my nuts. Which hurt very much.

Unfortunately, this hurting did not stop that day. Or the next. It was difficult to sit, stand, or sleep. I called my medical clinic and they said "you should go to the ER." So I went.

Fortunately, it turned out to just be some bruising. No treatment was necessary, and naproxen was enough for the pain. Which did go away slowly over the next few days.

Probably the worst part of the experience was getting an ultrasound. This imaging does not hurt. But it's deeply embarrassing. When someone who, if you saw them in a singles bar, you'd consider attractive, is performing this imaging, it's even more embarrassing.

So, all in all, nothing near the level of anguish Mr. Garver must have endured. But enough to make me wish I hadn't joked about his injury.

Watch out for karma, my friends, it can bite you on the a**... or, make a friendly painful leap on your nuts, as the case may be.

Today's Lineups

Edouard Julien - DH Marcus Semien - 2B
Jorge Polanco - 2B Corey Seager - SS
Royce Lewis - 3B Nathaniel Lowe - 1B
Max Kepler - RF Adolis Garcia - RF
Carlos Correa - SS Mitch Garver - DH
Matt Wallner - LF Jonah Heim - C
Andrew Stevenson - CF Robbie Grossman - LF
Christian Vazquez - C Ezequiel Duran - 3B
Joey Gallo - 1B Leody Taveras - CF
Joe Ryan - RHP Max Scherzer - RHP

P.S.: In honor of the musical intros our good Mr. Monitto has been doing all season, here's the only one I ever tried. It's about Texas, naturally. I never even dared doing a musical recap, though!