Time: 7:10 Central
Weather: Denver weather is wonky, but it’ll be fine tonight, start temp 73°
Opponent’s good SB site: Purple Row
Did I know that site name before today: No, but it’s a good site
Do I have an excuse: Yes
How often did the Twins play the Rockies before the schedules got rearranged: Infrequently
Can I name every AL SB site as a bar bet faster than most SB writers: Try me
TV: BSNorth. Radio: Is there anybody alive out there
Today is National Coffee Day. Also Urban National Wildlife Refuge Day, National VFW Day, and National Gay Men's HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. Two of which are more important things than coffee. As a sometimes professional driver, I despise Urban Wildlife.
Deer have an instinctual flight response to zig and zag in random directions when terrified by approaching predators. Or cars. They'll jump right out in front of you. Canadian geese walk slowly, walk in huge bunches (or "gaggles"), and are just damn mean animals. Traffic will stop for them, causing delays that are frustrating to a professional driver on a tight schedule. It's lucky for them that most drivers stop, and I have to stop behind those cars. Because otherwise, I'd just run the bastards over.
Did you know the only animal-related injury at the Minnesota Zoo in Blaine was a Canadian goose? It broke a kid's arm one time. Those demon birds are vicious.
But let's focus on coffee today, and how great Wikipedia/Baseball Reference are.
I vaguely remembered there being a baseball player named Coffey, and I vaguely remembered right. Todd Coffey was a reliever from 2005-2012, with a perfectly respectable career ERA of 4.10. For awhile he played for Milwaukee, so that must be why I've heard the name.
B-Ref tells us that there was a Jack Coffey, too (his photo looks like a very young and much more "get that camera outta my fuggin face" John Wayne). Coffey played in 1909, and in 1918, as an infielder. His career slash was .188/.241/.242, which is objectively terrible, but anybody who played in MLB and hit even .188 is better at baseball than you or I will ever be at anything.
His 1909 team was the Boston Doves, which, whaaaat? There was a team called the Doves? There was, Wiki tells us. Named after "the Dovey brothers," who briefly owned the team. I think all baseball teams should be named for their owners. How much fun would it be if the Twins were called the Pohlacks? Actually, that would be quite bad.
The Doves changed their name to the Braves, which is even more bad. (Essentially, it's the equivalent of a 1950s German soccer team being named the "Dusseldorf Rabbis.") That's the team which then moved to Milwaukee, and subsequently to Atlanta.
(My mom, born and raised in Chippewa Falls, WI, hated the Atlanta Braves, because "they stole our team." Wisconsin did steal it from Boston first, but I understand the sentiment.)
Wiki's page on the Boston Braves has this glorious image as the header:
Look at the guy on the upper-left. Look at his left hand. He's flipping the bird. My avatar on this site is an "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" Mooninite character flipping the bird. In Boston, as a matter of fact! As a bizarre promotion for the cartoon show's theatrical movie. One of the people behind the promotion was named Pete "Zebbler" Berdovsky, and here's his Wiki photo:
What, at this point, does this image have to do with today's Twins game? Not a damn thing. (Although it’s hilarious.) THIS IS A RAMBLE I'M ON DRUGS FOR MY BROKEN ARM AND I WENT TO THE DENTIST FOR TOOTH DRILLING SO MORE DRUGS DON’T WORRY I'M NOT DRIVING
There's a very circuitous point I'd like to get to, here.
This site, as you're aware, has seen a huge dip in comments this season. Partially because the Falvinelli have been putting together consistently boring teams, until the rookie hitters came up and made things exciting this season.
Mostly because SB Nation made repeatedly dumb decisions, like leasing that two-floor office in Midtown Manhattan, and paying some Internet Experts to revamp the comment thread system into the buggy annoying mess it is today. Those were SB's genius moves, instead of paying siterunners/writers more. That doesn't hurt a huge site like the Portland Trailblazers NBA one, but it hurts a smaller site like this one.
There's a non-zero possibility this site gets axed by SB Nation after the playoffs. Other SB sites have been axed, like the Wild's one, and the Angels' one.
If so, it's been a privilege and a joy to write here, and I'm so grateful to Jesse Lund, myjah, TJ, and Benjamin for tolerating my weirdness.
Far more to the TT commenting/reading community.
What's been greatest, besides learning bizarre stuff like Astrodome roof not working or a Wiki photo where a 1886 Boston Beaneater flips the bird, has been e-meeting the commenters and readers here. We're very different in our personalities and viewpoints, but we get along. That's mattered, a lot, to a 51-year-old who still usually feels like a 15-year-old in terms of believing I can never fit in, anywhere.
And I can't! But that's alright. Sometimes, some people just accept you as "that odd guy who talks to butterflies in his garden, but he's harmless." (I actually don't talk to butterflies, but you get what I mean. Maybe I should! They're amazing creatures, and beat mean geese all to hell.)
Thanks, folks. It's meant a lot how nice you've been. And I hope to catch y'all in the future. Maybe in two more Fridays, when the Twins will be in Game 5 of the ALDS. But who are we kidding? The Twins won't be in Game 5 of the ALDS. They're gonna sweep the playoffs, baby!
It's been a strange, random route that led me to live in Minnesota, just like this strange, random gamethread preview has been. (I am, at the moment, on very legal prescription drugs, and will be on more of these as soon as Colorado manager Harry Ralston "Bud" Black decides on his damn lineup. Perhaps he is Mile High. If so, good for him.)
But, broken arm and dentist appointments aside, I'm glad I moved here. I like the Twins. I love my spouse. And I've had a blast chatting with the folks on this site.
(Except you, you know who you're are. You're a monster. May 1000 dead-eyed zombie ravens haunt your every waking moment, you jerk.)
|Donovan Solano - 1B||Charlie Blackmon - DH|
|Jorge Polanco - 2B||Brendan Rodgers - 2B|
|Jordan Luplow - LF||Nolan Jones - LF|
|Ryan Jeffers - C||Elehuris Montero - 1B|
|Kyle Farmer - SS||Ryan McMahon - 3B|
|Willi Castro - 3B||Elias Diaz - C|
|Max Kepler - RF||Sean Bouchard - RF|
|Christian Vazquez - DH||Alan Trejo - SS|
|Michael Taylor - CF||Brenton Doyle - CF|
|Joe Ryan - RHP||Ty Blach - LHP|