Farm Report: Park Bangs, Everybody Wins

Triple-A: Rochester Red Wings 3, Pawtucket Red Sox 1

Yes, we finally have a reason to hear this song again. “The Bachelor” addict banged his first dong of the season. It wasn’t really necessary, as RH starter Aaron Slegers pretty much shut the Red Leggings down, but we’ll still give Park a smiley face.

C Mitch Garver had a perfectly well-sized dong of his own, plus a double and single. I do not know how nifty his Pitch Framing skills are, or if the “G” is his name is pronounced annoyingly weird, like in “Jiminez.”

[Box Score]

Double-A: Chattanooga Lookouts 9, Birmingham Barons 6

The Lookouts (which is one odd dang team name) teed off on Barons relievers, plating eight runs late after a tepid start. RF Edgar Corcino did the most damage, with four RBIs despite only entering the game as a pinch-hitter for struggling RF Tanner English. Chattanooga needed them RBIs, because all four pitchers they used gave up at least one run. Including the previously unhittable LH Mason Melotakis, who faced three batters and recorded one out.

My hero, DH/OF LaMonte Wade, walked twice again, raising his OBP to a sick .470. That’s not only tops in AA, it’s currently second in all of the minor leagues. (The other guy is probably cheating.)

The Barons have a player named Trey Michalczewski, who SO should have been a Twin in 2001. Except he was six years old then.

[Box Score]

High-A: Ft. Myers Miracle 7, Charlotte Stone Crabs 6

Our fellas in Florida got on the late-scoring train, too, winning the last two innings 6-0. As is becoming habitual, it was California native and New Orleans betrayer 3B Chris Paul who annoyed pitchers the most, with three hits and no Ks.

Derek “Son Of Pudge” Rodriguez was roughed up a bit his third time through the lineup, yet hung in there like a bird of prey to pitch a scoreless sixth inning. The former outfielder’s numbers at age 25 are perfectly respectable; he has 32 strikeouts in 45 innings and an ERA of 2.80.

[Box Score]

Low-A: Cedar Rapids Kernels 7, Bowling Green Hot Rods 5

Nice back end of the bullpen this time! LH Andrew Vasquez and RH Hector Lujan finished off the last two innings with six strikeouts. Thus saving the “win” for starter Clark Beeker, who should use this as his warm-up song.

Mean Corn 1B Lewin Diaz had three hits including a double and dong, despite his team photo which looks like he just got out of bed.

[Box Score]

Do you have a picture or pictures you took of tractors, farm animals, land, or other equipment you’d like to see us use for a future farm report? We would love your submissions and happily give you and/or your farm full credit and a shout-out. But no electric equipment, or ye shall be shunned for not being Plain.

Please e-mail maija.varda@gmail.com if you are interested, and include the name of who took the photo (and their permission) so we may give the proper photo credits.

Photos must be large! We need at least 1800px width. If you’re not sure if it’s big enough, send the picture and I will tell you (TWSS).