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Farm Report: Granite Dong, Granite Mills

A recap of the Twins' minor league affiliates' results from May 19th, 2017.

Last Day of Iraqi Oil-For-Food Deal with U.N.
You know this stuff has to get somewhere, right? It’s not all Ma & Pa Kettle whistling while shucking corn.
Photo by Karim Mohsen/Getty Images

Triple-A: Rochester Red Wings 2, Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders 1

CF / “Flintstones” character Zack Granite had a dong here, while starter Aaron Slegers was excellent. How excellent? Let’s face it; you don’t give a remotely blistering piss about any pitcher the Twins draft, and you are correct to feel this way.

I saw the following band 20 years ago. They were quite good. That’s what I thought, at least; as is customary with songs, YMMV. They’re not around, anymore. The lead singer taught music at the U of M for awhile.

[Box Score]

Double-A: Biloxi Shuckers 4, Chattanooga Lookouts 0

Yes, the Shuckers should be playing our Mean Corn in Cedar Rapids, but I don’t make up these names. Bad night for the Lookouts; even my hero, LF LaMonte Wade didn’t pick up a single walk, which makes me think Terry Ryan broke him somehow.

(Oh, you don’t think Terry Ryan is still out there, breaking prospects? HE SO IS.)

Ryan Eades was the pitcher of record for Chattanooga, and I’ve made perfectly clear my feelings about guys named Ryan.

[Box Score]

High-A: Ft. Myers Miracle 7, Bradenton Marauders 1

Some kind of serious ass-whoopery, with only a solo dinger by DH/OF Rafael Valera to break up the strings of baBIP. Or is it BAbip? I forget. Anyhoo, a fun night for fans in Fort Myers, with seven hits producing all seven runs.

Miracle pitcher Lewis Thorpe struck out a respectable three hitters in his four innings. He was pulled after 49 pitches because he’s dying of Space Ebola.

[Box Score]

Low-A: Wisconsin Timber Rattlers 9, Cedar Rapids Kernels 2

You know, some things are simply unacceptable, and losing to a team from Appleton, Wisconsin is one of them. What are we supposed to tolerate, next? Sunday breakfast waiters who occasionally get orders mixed up? Shit, this used to be a great country.

Clark Beeker was the Iowa pitcher who began this game, and he did fine. His substitutes, not so much. SS Jermaine Palacios hit his fifth homer of the season, which means, if he continues doing this, he won’t be a SS anymore.

[Box Score]