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Farm Report: Drips of rain, drops of Granite, trickles of P-Flo

A recap of the Twins' minor league affiliates' results from July 1st, 2017.

Cider Makers Expecting Bumper Apple Crop This Autumn
Although the assistant cider farmer looks on in horror, this is exactly what to do with Pedro Florimon’s special skills.
Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images

Triple-A: Rochester Red Wings 9, Lehigh Valley IronPigs 0 [Game 2]

Yeah, SNAP, Lehigh Valley! Rochester just OWNED you! All all-bullpen pitching squad put them IronPigs in their place, including Mr. Michael Tonkin and Sir D.J. Baxendale. Zack Granite, who we all hate now, went 2-4, as did OF/1B Matt Hague and OF J.B. Schuck. C Mitch Garver went 2-3, which is statistically better.

[Box Score]

Triple-A: Lehigh Valley IronPigs 2, Rochester Red Wings 1 [Game I]

Oh, wait, there was also this one. Rochester, you suck. I am so ashamed to live in the same hemisphere. Five pitchers (including unholy switch-pitcher Pat Venditte) combined at holding the Red Wings to only one hit, which was only one ByungHo Park double, and only one run, which was a sac fly.

In old friend news, Lehigh Valley’s Pedro Florimon finished 4-6 on the day. P-Flo surges again!

[Box Score]

Double-A: Chattanooga Lookouts 0, Mississippi Braves 0 (Suspended)

WHAT!!! Is Bud Selig back from the dead retirement and up to his evil tricks again? Nope, it just got all rainy in the third inning, and didn’t stop.

[Box Score]

High-A: St. Lucie Mets spa, Ft. Myers Miracle whirlpool

Apparently God took, literally, the prayers of millions to let Her Most Humble Servant, Mets limelight avoider Tim Tebow, have thousands of blessings rained upon his head. The rain, baby, it did doth fall.

[Box Score]

Low-A: Clinton LumberKings 2, Cedar Rapids Kernels 1 (11 innings)

One of those “learning experiences” for Cedar Rapids, as while every player got one hit apiece (except slacker 1B Amaurys Miner), they still only managed the one all-Butera-esque run.

Nervous Muppet Clark Beeker started for the Mean Corn, and only gave up the one run in six innings. Your goat here was Crime Dog Patrick McGuff, who got walked off on his eighth pitch by something called a Yojhan Quevedo. I, for one, would rather get homered from a guy like that with a bitchin’ name than a dude named Lance Jones or some such.

[Box Score]

Rookie League: Elizabethton Twins 7, Danville Braves 4

Baby Twins to the rescue of Farm System honor! A homer by LF Brent Rooker and multi-knock games from 2B Carson Crites & CF Mark Contreras were all starter Melvi Acosta and reliever Calvin Faucher needed to get the win. I must say, Melvi/Calvin has a good tandem ring to it.

[Box Score]