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Farm Report: Chattanooga fails to win, shames us all

A recap of the Twins' minor league affiliates' results from September 9th, 2017.

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Gun it, Steve. FLOOR THAT PEDAL. You know you want to.
Photo by David McNew/Getty Images

Double-A: Montgomery Biscuits 2, Chattanooga Lookouts 0

Needing only one win to clinch this best-of-5 series, the Lookouts failed, as all their players are lazy and want to bring us nothing but eternal disgrace. SP Adalberto Mejia went five scoreless in his rehab outing, then D.J. Baxendale surrendered solo runs in the seventh/eighth innings. Why? Because he hates you.

[Box Score]

Low-A: Quad Cities River Bandits 5, Cedar Rapids Kernels 4 (10 innings)

Tough opener loss for the Mean Corn in their best-of-three championship series. They shucked out a 4-0 lead on C Ben Rortvedt’s two-run single, but starter Tyler Watson and fireman Logan Lombana couldn’t hold onto the advantage. Learning experience, fellas. Happy stuff goes away sometimes, it’s a thing.

[Box Score]

Triple-A: Rochester Red Wings done

The Red Wings just missed the playoffs, so their season is over. For this successful 2017, they will join in a Rochester parade, which will break down on 2nd Street because of a recalcitrant goat.

[No Box Score]

High-A: Ft. Myers Miracle done

The Ft. Myers Miracle’s season ended when they lost in the playoffs on a walk-off hit by pitch. For this shameful 2017, they will be fed to hurricane-stressed alligators.

[No Box Score]

Rookie League: Elizabethton Twins done

The baby Twins are league champs! They get juice boxes and gummy bears as a reward.

[No Box Score]

Do you have a picture or pictures you took of tractors, farm animals, land, or other equipment you’d like to see us use for a future farm report? We would love your submissions and happily give you and/or your farm full credit and a shout-out.

Please e-mail myjah at if you are interested, and include the name of who took the photo (and their permission) so we may give the proper photo credits. If Fillmore uses the photo, though, he’ll just steal it and give you nothing, that’s the kind of guy he is.

Photos must be large! We need at least 1800px width. If you’re not sure if it’s big enough, send the picture and I will tell you (TWSS).